General Dating Questions/Love


Azure I have a big problem.  I have fallen in love with this beautiful woman who I work with.  I will try my best to make a long story short so here goes.  Well we both work for the military and I started working at this new command about a year ago where I met her. Soon after I got there we went on an 8 month deployment and during that time we became really great friends.  We always hung out and ate together with our other friends that we work with.  She was dating someone during that time who was also on the deployment with us but they had they're ups downs and they eventually broke up.  Well not long after that I felt like I had to tell her that I had feelings for her so I composed a short and simple email letting her know.  It was the best I could do at the time as privacy was hard to come by where we were not to mention there is a policy against having relationships with people we work with at the command.  She was shocked of course and didn't know what to say, we didn't talk for awhile and things were awkward. It took awhile but we started talking again I tried my best to initiate casual conversation whenever I could and once we got back off of deployment everything returned to normal especially since we work closer on the same schedule now.  When we are together we are literally the life of the party and everybody notices.  My love for her has grown so strong sometimes I cry myself to sleep at night or on the drive home from work.  Shes been single for the last 5 months I think, but now I'm afraid she might be seeing this guy she was previously friends with in the past who is in a different command.  I know I should have probably moved on but Azure its been 5-6yrs since the last time I fell in love like this and its even more powerful than before.  I can't help it I love her too much and I wish we were under different circumstances.  She knows that I like her but she doesn't know how I really feel.  Its really going to kill me to know that she may be with someone else when I feel I have so much love I could share with her.  I would love for her to know how I see her or what I feel when I hear he laugh or smile.  Azure I'm not very good with this kind of thing, I'm not perfect and I don't really have anyone to talk to.  I don't know if I should try my best to move on or somehow tell her how I really feel which might make things worse.  I can't even imagine what life would be like without her, I almost come to tears at the thought of it.  What could I really do in a situation like this?

her response to your original letter would lead one to believe that she's not interested in a romantic arrangement, plus, she's seeing someone else; unless she shows you some real sign that she seeks romance with you, i'd refocus on meeting/dating those emotionally available..

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expertise: over 7000 questions answered...B.A. Psychology Bates College;graduate study, Fordham Univ. School Social Work; technical editor, "dating for dummies", 2d edition, by dr joy browne; thoughtful consideration of your question, then insightful advice about love,romance and related issues given in an objective, non-judgmental manner...over 20 years of personal experience in both short and long term relationships...longer term consultations are available upon experience: personal involvement in many relationships where issues of love, sex, intimacy, trust, etc., had to be dealt with and resolved...just having "experiences", however, isn`t`s the thoughtful reflection upon and analysis of what happened and why, that leads to learning and tell me what`s on your mind and i`ll try to help, or tell you if i can`t...thanks


Over 20 years personal experience in dating, including both short and long-term relationships.Thoughtful reflection and analysis upon same, as well as providing imput relating to issues of love and romance to friends and acquaintances.

BA, Psychology, Bates College, Lewiston, Me. Graduate study at Fordham University School of Social Work.

Life experience can really be the only teacher in this area; however going through the experience is not enough. What is necessary is a real awareness, sensitivity to, and reflection upon what has happened, what has been lost, what has been gained. Getting beyond one's own insecurities and subjectivities, and seeing the experience in the context of the bigger picture, are essential stepping stones to learning and announces CT matchmaking service..for more, go to

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