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General Dating Questions/Dating question from the UK


I am 28 years old and have never really dated, only ever come close to it, not my fault, the women have always ended up being taken etc. It's not due to personal factors etc. that I cannot get a date, just the odds/probability issues and the fact I've been having other issues to deal with the past few years (family, voluntary work, travel). I am from the United Kingdom, have Asperger's Syndrome (a form of autism) but that is not relevant to this - it is about dating, not disability.

I'm wondering which are the best ways to meet women with 2 potential options considered.
I ruled these 2 out:
Social media (Facebook/Twitter) - ruled out due to spam/scam potential, the fact it has no identity verification etc. and fraud risks are heavy.
Dating site - Again, same issues as above, also the risk of 419 scammers and the fact many sites are expensive, and no regulation of dating sites exists, as far as I know.

These 2 options were considered:

Speed dating nights - here in my city they're about £13 ($21.86) to £40 ($67.25) for the tickets (at current exchange rates). Do they work, and are they a good way of finding a long-term, lasting relationship, not a one-night stand? (I want a long-term relationship)

Dating agency - Expensive, and cost is an issue, but I know identity is verified for peace of mind, so less scam risks.

I tend to go on personality rather than looks and generally am open-minded about things like race, although I am attracted to Indian/Pakistani/Sri Lankan (what we refer to as Asian in the United Kingdom, although I am aware Asian has different connotations in the United States and Canada due to the language differences in English), Black (regardless of whether they are African-American [the UK does have a significant American diaspora in some areas], Nigerian, Afro-Caribbean etc.), American/Canadian etc. as well as white/Caucasian, I basically am open-minded as such. Age is a factor, although I would date an older woman due to the fact I can get on well with older people (because of the nature of my condition, mentioned above). As long as the age gap is not too big, say 5-10 years or maybe a few years over 10 but not too huge, then it should not be an issue.

Basically,what I am asking is for your opinion on my 2 options about where to meet people and what I could do better at with dating.

I have kept this within your advice which says:

PLEASE, PLEASE don't include me if you just want to ask every expert on this board! It's rude - and I'll tell you so.

Further, use PUNCTUATION and NEW PARAGRAPHS so I can read and understand your question! It's difficult enough to understand your thoughts. Please don't make it even more so by not doing these things. I'll just bounce it back to you to be fixed.


Speed dating is a very difficult way to be successful in the dating market. First, it's very artificial. Where else do you go in the world where you have a bunch (often 6-20) different guys all competing for the same girls? How do you stand out in that crowd?

What most often happens is that the two best-looking guys get all the attention and the rest are ignored and forgotten. That's because 7 minutes (or whatever format your group uses) just isn't enough time to get to know someone on which to base any level of attraction. I suggest you avoid speed dating.

Dating agency: You're right - they are very expensive and with very low outcomes. These agencies really aren't there to get you paired-up. They're there to get in the place of your dating life. They want to become your only method of meeting new women - and not usually ones that actually match! If they did, you'd be gone and they couldn't keep charging you. Further, to stay in business they have to run volumes of guys/girls. You are just one client of hundreds - or even thousands. Considering that, couldn't you do better on your own?

That leads me to the last point: by far, the most efficient and valuable way to date is to learn to find and approach women on your own. You obviously don't know this yet, but it's actually damned easy to do! I was at a business network mixer just last night and I'm looking at 4 women's business cards and have emailed a couple of them already to set-up dates for this coming weekend.

Yes, there are skills involved but they aren't difficult to learn. You just have to make the effort and learn them. Then, you'll never need to use the internet or speed dating or a dating agency again.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
CEO/Executive Producer
BAM! Productions
Remington Publications
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”

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Dr. Dennis W. Neder


I'm able to answer any sort of question related to the approach, meeting people, dating, sex, relationships, break-ups, non-legal marriage and divorce questions, and anything in between. I've helped over 30,000 people with their individual issues. IMPORTANT: Please, PLEASE don't ask me, "what was he thinking..." or "why did he say..." types of questions! I DO NOT READ MINDS! There are 1,001 reasons why someone does what they do, says what they say or thinks what they think. If you *REALLY* want to know what they were thinking, saying or why they were acting that way - go ask them! Be sure to check out my FAQ's on my website at: You can email me directly at:


I am the author of the books "Being a Man in a Woman`s World I & II" and "1001 Places and Techniques to Meet Great Women" and 11 others. I`ve spent the last 20 years studying the art and science of every aspect of relationships, and have answered over 30,000 letters from readers all over the world. My main focus is men`s relationships with women, but I also have many female readers and answer questions for them regularly as well.

Doctor of Philosophy

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