You are here:

General Dating Questions/Is this guy worth pursuing?


Hi, I recently (recently being the last three weeks) have been noticing this guy at school. I have no  idea why but as soon as I saw him something clicked in my brain. I have no idea why but it happened. I have already decided that I will not ask him out myself because I don't want to make the first move. How do I get him to notice me more or even ask me out? Also, once that happens (if he does) how do I know if it is worth it to continue with him?

Hello Alana!

Today you see a lot of articles (directed specifically towards women) about how to flirt. They offer all sorts of ideas on "getting his attention". I'm sorry to tell you, these articles help make many women feel better, but they simply don't work. Here's why: men don't know you're flirting. No, they don't.

Things like making eye contact and smiling help *IF* you have some other contact, but they are not the answer by themselves. Unfortunately if you really want to get to know this guy you're going to have to make some approach happen somewhere. That's just the way it is as most guys (especially at your age) just don't know how to do this.

The good news is this: it's easy. Damned easy!

In fact, girls have many more ways of breaking the ice - without even being overt about it - than guys do!

Think of it like ordering a pizza. The pizza by itself isn't going to know you're hungry. You have to pick up the phone. Fortunately, that's a low-risk answer to getting a pizza right? As well, you have to actually open the door. The delivery guy isn't going to slide the pizza under it! Thus, if you don't want to starve, you're going to have to do SOME work, but this really isn't "heavy lifting" at all. In fact, it's easy.

Here's what you do:

The very next time you see him in the hallways at school or outside or inside of class, just say, "Hey!". Then, shoot him a sweet smile and hold it for just a moment or so longer than you would a stranger.

That's it! Can you do that much? Of course you can.

What that does is to break the ice and to give him the idea that you're not going to bite his head off he if approaches you. It's incredibly simple and low, Low, LOW risk!

Once the ice is broken see what he does. Maybe he'll engage you in conversation. Maybe he'll pick up the ball next time. Or, you may need to do it a few times more. If he absolutely doesn't pick things up, he's either no interested or so clueless as to be way more work than you want to invest.

Based on what happens, you'll then be able to see if he's worth more or not. Then, it comes down to your personal values and what you're looking for.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
CEO/Executive Producer
BAM! Productions
Remington Publications
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”

General Dating Questions

All Answers

Answers by Expert:

Ask Experts


Dr. Dennis W. Neder


I'm able to answer any sort of question related to the approach, meeting people, dating, sex, relationships, break-ups, non-legal marriage and divorce questions, and anything in between. I've helped over 30,000 people with their individual issues. IMPORTANT: Please, PLEASE don't ask me, "what was he thinking..." or "why did he say..." types of questions! I DO NOT READ MINDS! There are 1,001 reasons why someone does what they do, says what they say or thinks what they think. If you *REALLY* want to know what they were thinking, saying or why they were acting that way - go ask them! Be sure to check out my FAQ's on my website at: You can email me directly at:


I am the author of the books "Being a Man in a Woman`s World I & II" and "1001 Places and Techniques to Meet Great Women" and 11 others. I`ve spent the last 20 years studying the art and science of every aspect of relationships, and have answered over 30,000 letters from readers all over the world. My main focus is men`s relationships with women, but I also have many female readers and answer questions for them regularly as well.

Doctor of Philosophy

©2017 All rights reserved.