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General Dating Questions/very frustrated and feel stupid


Hi. I recently asked a man out whom I work with, although we don't work directly together; we work in different areas, which is good. Because I feel like a fool and embarrassed now. He didn't verbally flirt, it was more subtle, but still flirting. We don't see each other a ton; we tend to work different days and just because we're in different departments. Anyway, I asked him out and he said that he has a girlfriend!! He quickly apologized and left. (He was done working for the day.) I was, to be honest, pretty surprised. I had been told by another coworker (who is married) that she didn't think he was involved with anyone; they are friends and have known each other for quite a while. I'm very frustrated and annoyed and even pissed. I guess I should have talked to him more before asking him out, but we almost always work different hours and we both stay busy. I did not have his phone number or anything. Do ALL guys frickin flirt with other women whether or not they are with someone?!! I know flirting is fun and blah, blah, but I wish he had never started anything if he indeed has a girlfriend as he says. Now when someone hits on me or flirts, I'm gonna think, Oh he's just flirting to flirt and doesn't want to pursue anything with me! Are all guys like this? Probably so, but I don't know for sure. I don't think his girlfriend would appreciate him flirting with other women, either. I guess from now on I will have to come out and ask if they have a girlfriend. I feel like an idiot now.

Hello Holly!

Wait a minute here. You're embarrassed because you invited a guy to spend some time with you? You are totally missing the point here! If he doesn't want to accept your invitation (for whatever reason) the problem is HIS - NOT YOURS! You have nothing to be embarrassed about and in fact HE should be embarrassed. Don't waste your energy on the wrong things.

As to him flirting with you, keep in mind that us guys aren't exactly subtle about things. You may be reading into things he's done or said and assuming it was flirting. When we flirt, it's pretty overt (rhyme provided at no additional charge).

That said, people often flirt with other people even when they're already in relationships. It's a normal thing and as long as it doesn't cross any boundaries of respect towards one's partner or relationship, there's nothing wrong with it.

If he DID flirt with you I wish he had followed up, but again, that's his problem - not yours!

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
CEO/Executive Producer
BAM! Productions
Remington Publications
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”

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Dr. Dennis W. Neder


I'm able to answer any sort of question related to the approach, meeting people, dating, sex, relationships, break-ups, non-legal marriage and divorce questions, and anything in between. I've helped over 30,000 people with their individual issues. IMPORTANT: Please, PLEASE don't ask me, "what was he thinking..." or "why did he say..." types of questions! I DO NOT READ MINDS! There are 1,001 reasons why someone does what they do, says what they say or thinks what they think. If you *REALLY* want to know what they were thinking, saying or why they were acting that way - go ask them! Be sure to check out my FAQ's on my website at: You can email me directly at:


I am the author of the books "Being a Man in a Woman`s World I & II" and "1001 Places and Techniques to Meet Great Women" and 11 others. I`ve spent the last 20 years studying the art and science of every aspect of relationships, and have answered over 30,000 letters from readers all over the world. My main focus is men`s relationships with women, but I also have many female readers and answer questions for them regularly as well.

Doctor of Philosophy

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