General Dating Questions/very frustrated and feel stupid
Hi. I recently asked a man out whom I work with, although we don't work directly together; we work in different areas, which is good. Because I feel like a fool and embarrassed now. He didn't verbally flirt, it was more subtle, but still flirting. We don't see each other a ton; we tend to work different days and just because we're in different departments. Anyway, I asked him out and he said that he has a girlfriend!! He quickly apologized and left. (He was done working for the day.) I was, to be honest, pretty surprised. I had been told by another coworker (who is married) that she didn't think he was involved with anyone; they are friends and have known each other for quite a while. I'm very frustrated and annoyed and even pissed. I guess I should have talked to him more before asking him out, but we almost always work different hours and we both stay busy. I did not have his phone number or anything. Do ALL guys frickin flirt with other women whether or not they are with someone?!! I know flirting is fun and blah, blah, but I wish he had never started anything if he indeed has a girlfriend as he says. Now when someone hits on me or flirts, I'm gonna think, Oh he's just flirting to flirt and doesn't want to pursue anything with me! Are all guys like this? Probably so, but I don't know for sure. I don't think his girlfriend would appreciate him flirting with other women, either. I guess from now on I will have to come out and ask if they have a girlfriend. I feel like an idiot now.
Wait a minute here. You're embarrassed because you invited a guy to spend some time with you? You are totally missing the point here! If he doesn't want to accept your invitation (for whatever reason) the problem is HIS - NOT YOURS! You have nothing to be embarrassed about and in fact HE should be embarrassed. Don't waste your energy on the wrong things.
As to him flirting with you, keep in mind that us guys aren't exactly subtle about things. You may be reading into things he's done or said and assuming it was flirting. When we flirt, it's pretty overt (rhyme provided at no additional charge).
That said, people often flirt with other people even when they're already in relationships. It's a normal thing and as long as it doesn't cross any boundaries of respect towards one's partner or relationship, there's nothing wrong with it.
If he DID flirt with you I wish he had followed up, but again, that's his problem - not yours!
Dr. Dennis W. Neder
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”