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General Dating Questions/cannot tell difference between being friendly and being flirty


Hi. I hope you can help. I am an adult and to be honest, haven't had very many relationships. I have always been pretty anxious and shy and especially this is true around men I like. I also don't have a lot of self-confidence sometimes. I have a very hard time reading this guy whom I work with. We work in different departments so we don't have a lot of opportunities to talk at length or even briefly. He is pretty busy most of the time at work, as am I. I like him, and he may like me, but I cannot tell if he is flirting or just being friendly. This is what has happened so far: I was coming back from the restroom and as soon as I passed his area and he saw me, which was about 15-20 feet away, he said hi, waved, and smiled really big. Yes, we know each other's names and HAVE talked before, just not very often or in-depth. This same night, a couple of hours later, he was buying milkshakes for the remainder of us that were still at work. When he came up to me and asked me if I wanted a shake, he couldn't look me in the eye or even look at me and seemed nervous. No one else was around us. What does this mean? Friendly or flirting? With both of these examples. A few days later after this, I wrote a note to him telling him how I felt and asked him out and put my phone number in it, but I put this inside of a party invitation. Because I'm so, so shy about asking him out, mainly because I don't know if he truly likes me or not.  I told him I was having a get together and gave it to him as he was leaving for the day. His face did kind of light up and he was smiling. But I have no idea if he has even opened this card or not. It's been several days. I have only seen him a couple times since I gave him the card. Both times he waved and said bye but he was talking on his cell phone. So I had no chance to stop him and talk to him. Another co-worker of ours who is married told me that he is definitely shy around women. What are your thoughts and opinions on these actions?  I am going to muster up all my courage-I told you I am so shy- and go over to his area next time we are on the same shift and tell him that I would like to talk to him when he leaves for the night. Or maybe I will ask him, if he's not busy, if he has opened the "invitation" yet. He is a pharmacist, so he is usually at least somewhat busy. But I am going crazy right now wondering!!!!  Please tell me what you think. Thank you!!

Shy people like yourself, him, and even me tend to give awkward messages to other people and it is far from easy to determine what a shy person wants. Even sometimes when the directly ask for it, but do so without an inflection of confidence. I say talking in person is always the best way to go to writing notes. I myself have been called out on writing girl's notes well into adulthood and in general it is just better to make face time with people. If you like him you should make it clear to him that the most intimate communication you'll have with him will not be reduced to words on paper. Just be direct and asking if he might like to go somewhere sometime. Strike while he's single. I've had many crushes in my life and most of them are married or got pregnant. lol. Just don't worry so much about failer. It happens and we move on and learn, and the bigger the failer the more we learn so there is no downside to taking chances that don't involve live amo. lol. Good luck.

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First and foremost if you read ahead you'll find I have a word limit on questions I'll read. This site is for short simple questions and it should not be for writing essays. Please also note I am unfamilar with most cultures outside of United Stated, UK, and France. Please respect my rules. I don't like rejecting questions. I will be the first to admit that I don't know everything about dating, women/men, and interpersonal connections. However I have learned quite a bit vicariously from other people's experiences. Think of my advice as a second opinion. I would be happy to answer all questions related to relationships, dating, self-confidence, and self-image that I can. I have struggled with all of those things and probably know better than most how to deal with all of them.

I hope more than anything that my advice and opinions will help give people perspective in their lives, and hopefully make them feel better about themselves and their situations. I will attempt answering questions for anyone of any age group or nationality. However it would be particularly useful to know the age of all people involved. It does make a difference towards the advice I give. Also not terribly familar with arranged marriages and situations in which the family can dictate the details of the relationship.

My Rules:
1). I can't answer questions that ask if a girl or guy likes the other (very difficult to know remotely)
2). No questions that are More Than 250 Words. I understand that problems can be complex, but there is a real limit to how much I can read and fully understand. Particularly if English isn't the questioner's native language.
3). Only questions from Americans, Canadians, British, and cute French women.
4). No questions that ask the meaning behind if a person sets their FB status to single, coupled, or private or if they still have a dating profile undeleted somewhere. If you're cyber snooping you're likely the issue.


I don't really have any specific experience in this area other than learning from other people's mistakes and a few of my own, and whatever I've learned as a psychology major.

B.S. Psychology

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