General Dating Questions/boyfriend is always on his phone
it has been bothering me for a while, but my boyfriend is ALWAYS on his phone! When he gets home from work late at night, he gets in bed and gets on his phone. Sometimes I find myself talking to him only to realize that he hasn't heard anything I've said. Yesterday I said his name six times and he didn't respond. Later when I told him about it, he didn't believe me because he never heard me talking. Sometimes he gets mad at me cause I'll say something for the tenth time in an irritated tone and he'll insist that I never said anything. All because he is so absorbed in his phone! In the morning he gets on his phone until he leaves for work in the afternoon. At work he updates his Facebook. He even picked up his phone a couple different times during sex. He didn't want to go to my doctor appointment with me because there's no phone service in the building, and I asked him why he can't just be entertained for a couple hours by just spending time with me...what should I do? I've made comments on how I wish he'd spend time with me and put his phone away, but I'm clearly not getting through. Any advice? Thank you
If your description is accurate he has a very severe cell phone addiction. What's troubling about that isn't even all the problems you've listed but the fact that he's substituting his connection with the phone for real life.
Addicts often don't realize they are addicted or worse, they know it and deny it in order to continue the addiction. The addiction itself either masks other pain they suffer in real life or replaces the stimulation they crave and can't find. This is even more evident by him going for his phone during sex.
Dealing with this gets very complicated very quickly. Does he realize the problem or not? Is he purposefully cutting you and the rest of the world out of his life or not? Does he have some other mental issue or trauma, etc.? These questions are far beyond what I can help you with here via this forum. Further, you can't fix any of this yourself - you're just too close to things.
The first thing you're going to have to do is to decide where you are in all of this. You can't base your future and emotional well-being on someone else's choices particularly when they aren't healthy themselves.
Thus, think first of what you want to do if he can't or won't get help. If you don't want to live like this and he refuses to get help you're going to have to have an exit plan. However: (most important) do NOT do this as any sort of threat or manipulation to get him to change! I can't stress this point enough. Remember: you're already dealing with someone who is likely mentally unhealthy. What works in your world probably isn't reality in his. Thus, you'll always lose.
If you're ok with things as they are (and I doubt that) then do nothing. Otherwise, if you can direct him toward some help then help him see through getting it then give yourself some timeframe to work though things. Otherwise, cut your loses and move on - not out of anger or spite, but because you deserve to have the relationship and boyfriend you want.
Dr. Dennis W. Neder
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”