General Dating Questions/Real Her

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Question
So I have a girl who was my best friend. I was her to go to person about anything. We did almost everything together and told me everything. We were getting really close and i began to grow feelings for her. She was in the midst of seperating from her baby's father and still hurt. We discussed maybe having a future together but it was just a dream for us. So we are both in the army and we were preparing for a deployment. On the night before we left for deployment I spent the night at her sisters house. That same night we stayed up late watched movies ate and chilled. We also shared our first kiss and it was the night we first slept together.So the next day we went to leave to go on the deployment. we discussed our feelings about her being confussed about what she feels and that she likes me but doesnt know how much. So went just went with the flow and let everything play out. so we kept sleeping together we were together all the time. Everything was good and basically it seemed like we were in a relationship. Eventually she began to back out. She says that she was afraid that it was getting to serious and that she didnt want a relationship and that she was afraid to have those types of feelings. So we were getting into it alot about what we should do and tryna balance our friendship with what we felt for each other. After a while she began to express that she did not feel anything fpor me besides friendship. She then began to hang out with this other guy who is married and they became friends. After a cpouple of months she informs me that she has feelings for him and she can see a future with him that she cannot see with me. She also informs me that nothing has happened between them but she knows her feelings are true but they are not love.So he leaves soon and she says that most likely the feelings will go away with and its just a deployment thing. She still says that she doesn't feel anything for me but when i am close to her its like she just can't help it and she gets nervous and she says it makes her feel weird in a good way. and when we talk the way she just looks with such admiration it makes me feel like she does have feelings and she is just hiding or running from them. I dont know what to do i really want to stay but it seems like she always wants me to walk away from her and move on but its like she doesnt walk away from me no matter what or how many times she says she will. I just dont know what to do..... and i asked what does he does that is different from what i do and she says he gives her space.

Answer
Hi Landon,

well it seems like this girl you are dealing with does not really know what she wants from her own life. Unfortunately, the reason why you aren't sure how to handle things is because she is very confusing. I'm not sure she wants a relationship because you mentioned that the other guy that she likes is giving her space, whereas maybe you weren't. Relationships aren't about speaking and being together with convenient, it's a shared companionship; not based on someone else's wants or needs. Try and step back from this relationship a little bit. Speak to her about what she wants in the future. But with that being said, you have to also think about what YOU want from the future and what you want in a woman. If you're looking for a relationship, I think that this woman is wrong person for you... It doesn't seem like she's interested in staying exclusive with you in this relationship and definitely doesn't seem like she wants to be serious anytime soon.

I mean you have to look at the facts here and try not to get too carried away with how you feel for this person. The facts are showing you clear and evident signs that you may be ignoring because of your feelings for her.

If you're o.k. with her behaviour then by all means go ahead with the relationship, but it doesn't seem like you are and my best advice is just walk away when things aren't serious yet.

Becky

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Becky

Expertise

I can answer almost everything. I am religious person who strongly believes in G-d. If spiritual guidance is also something that you are seeking for, then I am careful and competent in that region. I am also very aware that it's hard to ask for help, with that being said, I am sensitive to others feelings and have gone through hardships in relationships, which demonstrates a quality of empathy and consciousness when it comes to everyday dating situations. I can answer break-up confusions/confusions in dating in general. I can NOT read minds and can answer to the best of my ability in regards to the detail you provide me. With that in consideration, please do not send me pages of information. Pick the most important and effective way to explain the problem and we can make this our problem and our solution together.

Experience

I have been in confusing relationships. Most of all I was in a 5 year relationship that really helped me in developing my intellect and sensitivities, which also played a huge role in discovering myself and those around me.

Organizations
Chai Life Line; deals with special needs children

Education/Credentials
Bachelor of Arts in English Literature Certified teacher in Canada; recognized internationally

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