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General Dating Questions/How much weight does my boyfriend have to gain before I can tell him to diet?


When I started going out with my boyfriend five months ago, he was in relatively good shape. But over the last six weeks or so, he's put on at least fifteen pounds. He's had a lot of family issues and a very tough time at work, but it's no excuse for eating like a pig, which is what he's been doing. I know this sounds cruel, but he wasn't exactly the most handsome man in the world to begin with, and I'm really not attracted to him the same since he's let himself go like this.

I keep myself in good shape, and I think it's very unfair of him not at least to mention his weight gain and promise to cut down on his eating.

Am I being unfair? My friends say he's not fat enough for me to mention it, but how much more weight do I have to let him put on before I can tell him to diet? I'm the one who has to look at him.

Also, do you have any advice on how I can talk to him about his weight gain? I don't want to hurt his feelings, but I do want him to listen.

Thank you very much.

i've broken up with people over this personal care matter; you have a right to the expectation that your partner accept the mutual responsibility to stay trim/fit, especially when he's reaping the rewards of your in shape form; nothing says you have to accept changeable things about another; you can just tell him that you really need to be with someone who places a value on keeping fit, for themselves, and to please their partner, and that this only works fairly if BOTH people commit to it; if he says you need to accept him as he is, then you would have to choose between a self-centered guy who will only get more complacent, or finding someone who thinks as you do..

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Over 20 years personal experience in dating, including both short and long-term relationships.Thoughtful reflection and analysis upon same, as well as providing imput relating to issues of love and romance to friends and acquaintances.

BA, Psychology, Bates College, Lewiston, Me. Graduate study at Fordham University School of Social Work.

Life experience can really be the only teacher in this area; however going through the experience is not enough. What is necessary is a real awareness, sensitivity to, and reflection upon what has happened, what has been lost, what has been gained. Getting beyond one's own insecurities and subjectivities, and seeing the experience in the context of the bigger picture, are essential stepping stones to learning and announces CT matchmaking service..for more, go to

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