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General Dating Questions/Afraid of dating and how to deal with it?


Hi, I am seventeen & I never dated before. I haven't because I am too afraid of winding up like my mother with a man who talks her down all the time and gave her a stroke due to stress. I see what guys online write about in comments on articles about sexual & domestic violence, how they try to blame the victim & it makes me believe that a good chunk of men think like this. It makes me scared to date because I think they're all damned to end up the same. I've seen so many failed relationships from friends and siblings, it makes me believe they're all damned to end up the same. Even if they don't end, they're damned to be unhappy like my mother & my father for the rest of their lives. I have yet to see one good example of one in my life. My mother's dating advice to me was to never settle like I did because it just ends in you wasting your life on a person you don't like only to hate later on in life. I guess my question in the midst of this rambling is this: if I ever did want to date how would I get over that fear? Also, as an added bonus, are a good chunk of men damned to come out like my dad (rape victim blaming, angry, negative, pessimistic, an asshole, inconsiderate, rude, hypocrite)? Because if so, then I'm more than content to be alone forever (yay introvertcy!) and would rather not waste my time.

try not to generalize--there are nice people, and not so nice people, and they all reside on this planet; certainly your experience may lead you to think badly of men, but that doesn't mean you can't meet nice guys now and in the future; so, the key is to move toward guys that appear to have likeable qualities, and avoid the rest; sure, there are no guarantees, and those that APPEAR nice may turn out to be jerks, but you live, learn, and try again; you're a teen, with plenty of time to figure this out; meet/date guys without getting too emotionally involved--this experience will help you in figuring out what you REQUIRE for a real relationship; yea there are ALOT of jerks, both male AND female, but there ARE loveable people out them out, and don't settle for less..

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expertise: over 7000 questions answered...B.A. Psychology Bates College;graduate study, Fordham Univ. School Social Work; technical editor, "dating for dummies", 2d edition, by dr joy browne; thoughtful consideration of your question, then insightful advice about love,romance and related issues given in an objective, non-judgmental manner...over 20 years of personal experience in both short and long term relationships...longer term consultations are available upon experience: personal involvement in many relationships where issues of love, sex, intimacy, trust, etc., had to be dealt with and resolved...just having "experiences", however, isn`t`s the thoughtful reflection upon and analysis of what happened and why, that leads to learning and tell me what`s on your mind and i`ll try to help, or tell you if i can`t...thanks


Over 20 years personal experience in dating, including both short and long-term relationships.Thoughtful reflection and analysis upon same, as well as providing imput relating to issues of love and romance to friends and acquaintances.

BA, Psychology, Bates College, Lewiston, Me. Graduate study at Fordham University School of Social Work.

Life experience can really be the only teacher in this area; however going through the experience is not enough. What is necessary is a real awareness, sensitivity to, and reflection upon what has happened, what has been lost, what has been gained. Getting beyond one's own insecurities and subjectivities, and seeing the experience in the context of the bigger picture, are essential stepping stones to learning and announces CT matchmaking service..for more, go to

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