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General Dating Questions/what is the likely hood she's cheating and still lyinglying to me?

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My girlfriend several times has told me she only wants me. But she was dating and having sex with other guys. After being together for over a year i found out from a friend she was on a dating site. I confronted her about it she lied to me saying "i'm only in to you i wouldn't be on any date site baby". So i checked and she got a text from a guy from date hook up. He said i thought you wasn't feeling me. Her reply was no that's not it i forgot my password. The last thing he said was so i guess you like black men. Her reply "i do colored guys but espiacally black guys". I asked her why she was flirting with guys off date sites and she said she wasn't she was just answering the question what she's into. Shortly after that i also caught her texting her ex telling him she was different and they should get back together. To make matters worst that's when i found out that guy was even a ex because she had said he was just a friend that she never did anything with which was another lie. So while she was accusing me of lying and being up to things and harrassing me about my exes she was hiding things. So should i trust her? Also what's the likely hood she's still lying to me and hiding things and possiably cheating???? After saying she doesn't want to lose me and she only made mistakes because her head was messed up over her custody battle for her kids.

Answer
Hello Tacuma!

You seem to think this is about cheating. It's not. It's about respect; or more specifically, the lack of it.

It certainly matters if she's cheating on you but the respect issue is far more important. Is it respectful to you and your relationship for her to be flirting with other guys from these sites or with her ex? Absolutely not.

Here's the problem you face: you can't watch your girlfriend 24/7 - and why would you want to? Worse, why should you have to? You shouldn't be worried about whether or not you trust your girlfriend, you should be considering instead whether her level of commitment to; and the respect of you and the relationship is worthy of that respect. If not, it might be time to downsize where things are until/unless she's ready to earn that back from you.

Bottom line: you shouldn't have to worry that your girlfriend is keeping her promises to you and you shouldn't have to be chasing her down to prove it. She either wants to be with you and is willing to show it or she doesn't. If she doesn't, it's time to go find someone who does.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
CEO/Executive Producer
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BAM! Productions
Remington Publications
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http://beingaman.com
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”

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Dr. Dennis W. Neder

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I'm able to answer any sort of question related to the approach, meeting people, dating, sex, relationships, break-ups, non-legal marriage and divorce questions, and anything in between. I've helped over 30,000 people with their individual issues. IMPORTANT: Please, PLEASE don't ask me, "what was he thinking..." or "why did he say..." types of questions! I DO NOT READ MINDS! There are 1,001 reasons why someone does what they do, says what they say or thinks what they think. If you *REALLY* want to know what they were thinking, saying or why they were acting that way - go ask them! Be sure to check out my FAQ's on my website at: http://beingaman.com. You can email me directly at: dwneder@beingaman.com.

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I am the author of the books "Being a Man in a Woman`s World I & II" and "1001 Places and Techniques to Meet Great Women" and 11 others. I`ve spent the last 20 years studying the art and science of every aspect of relationships, and have answered over 30,000 letters from readers all over the world. My main focus is men`s relationships with women, but I also have many female readers and answer questions for them regularly as well.

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Doctor of Philosophy

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