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General Dating Questions/Touching the girl you like on the middle area of her lower back. Is this wrong or a sweet/caring gesture?

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QUESTION: There is this girl I’m interested in. She seems shy and I feel she has feelings for me back. She is currently completing her final exams and I don’t want to disturb her from doing well by asking her out or telling her how I feel. In order to see if she is definitely interested back (or “testing the waters” method), I touched the middle area of the lower back. She looked over her shoulder, saw me, looked down (behind her shoulder) and smiled.

I’m curious as to if touching her on the middle area of her lower back was the wrong thing to do given her reaction.

Thank you and I hope you can help.

ANSWER: Hello Chris!

Touching her back was the wrong thing to do because you did it for the wrong reasons.

Chris, stop being so gullible! There are tons of so-called "experts" out there feeding guys this ridiculous crap because they know you don't know what you're doing and thus, you'll fall for it.

Touching a girl on her lower back isn't some body-language cue that indicates much of anything. There's a TON of other things at play - culture, age, situation, connection you've already build, the power-differences between you and she, her base communication systems, her history, etc., etc., etc.

Let' be clear here: you're too scared to actually go for what you want (asking her for a date) so you're reaching for some trick to help you feel more secure. Forget it. There are no tricks like this.

What about BEING more secure? What about being bold and direct and realizing that you deserve to have what you want in your life? If you have to hold out hope for this stupid tricks, what chance do you ever have when (and if) things ever get going?

If you want to touch someone else (in a non-sexual way) when there's connection between you, do it and be bold about it but don't try to read some secret information out of it. Women are far more complicated than that. You don't just flip a switch and make everything work. Anyone who tells you that is simply lying to you and taking advantage of the fact that you don't know that THEY don't know what they're doing.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
CEO/Executive Producer
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
BAM! Productions
Remington Publications
323.638.4145
http://beingaman.com
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Jesus... YOU ARE BEING SO DAMN RUDE TELLUNG ME IM GULLIBLE AND INSECURE. STOP BEING RUDE AND GIVE BLOODY PROPER ADVICE. I SAID SHE IS DOING HER BLOODY EXAMS AND I DONT WANT TO DISTERB HER FROM DOING WELL, ASKING HER OUT NOW WILL RUIN HER FRICKING EXAMS. YOU WANT ME TO BE THE PERSON THAT MAKES THAT HAPPEN AND LOSE HER PARENTS RESPECT (which I feel I currently have) DO YOU. I ONLY DID IT TO SHOW THAT SOMEONE CARES FOR HER AND TO SHOW THAT IM INTERESTED IN HER AND SEE HER REACTION BACK.

BY THE WAY IM FRIENDS WITH HER SHE IS NOT SOME DUMB STRANGER. YOUR EXTREAMLY RUDE... THOUGHT YOU MIGHT GIVE SOME PROPER HELP IN THIS SITUATION... I WAS SO WRONG ABOUT IT.

Answer
Hello again Chris!

Being "rude"? No. I'm being accurate. If you can't take reality than go crawl back in your own little fantasy-hole and be happy there. Dating is a mature activity. If you're not mature enough to deal with it (and let's face it, this response proves you're not) you need to grow up before jumping back into the dating pool.

Trust me, THAT is good advice.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
CEO/Executive Producer
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
BAM! Productions
Remington Publications
323.638.4145
http://beingaman.com
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”

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Dr. Dennis W. Neder

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I'm able to answer any sort of question related to the approach, meeting people, dating, sex, relationships, break-ups, non-legal marriage and divorce questions, and anything in between. I've helped over 30,000 people with their individual issues. IMPORTANT: Please, PLEASE don't ask me, "what was he thinking..." or "why did he say..." types of questions! I DO NOT READ MINDS! There are 1,001 reasons why someone does what they do, says what they say or thinks what they think. If you *REALLY* want to know what they were thinking, saying or why they were acting that way - go ask them! Be sure to check out my FAQ's on my website at: http://beingaman.com. You can email me directly at: dwneder@beingaman.com.

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I am the author of the books "Being a Man in a Woman`s World I & II" and "1001 Places and Techniques to Meet Great Women" and 11 others. I`ve spent the last 20 years studying the art and science of every aspect of relationships, and have answered over 30,000 letters from readers all over the world. My main focus is men`s relationships with women, but I also have many female readers and answer questions for them regularly as well.

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Doctor of Philosophy

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