General Dating Questions/Boy

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So over the summer the guy I like started texting me. And that was the first time we ever talked. We were gunna hang out and it never happened. ( A LOT of girls at my highschool like him and I heard that he's pretty shy and I don't think he's ever really had a gf. ) so because he was so cute and popular people started questioning him and I guess asked if we were " a thing". So basically he got scared because he didn't want a relationship and so he stopped talking to me. All within the course of 2-3 weeks.

School started back up and I was gunna go to a football game and hang out with my senior friends, they all hang out with this boy- I'm gunna call him Jack- so anyway he said that he wasn't human go to te game if I hung out with them because I made him uncomfortable and he was scared of me. So he basically told people I was obsessed with him. ( not sure how he got this in his head but I'm thinking 3rd party source). And we hadn't been texting for 2 months but we would occasionally snapchat and most times he wouldn't reply but sometimes if he was drunk he would, or just randomly whenever.

2 months later I managed the basketball team he was on and he was hesitant at first I could tell. He would never make eye contact with me, it was like I didn't exist. But then at the 2/3rd game is the first time he had talk to me in person. He asked me for a water bottle. He was nice and I was still mostly invisible, but we never talked other than that.

I want to start talking to him. But I'm scared he won't reply. Or he will think I'm obsessed or a stalker or whatever people tell him. I was the last one to text him back in the summer with a "hey what's up" but I ne'er got a reply.
Please help,
Thanks

Answer
Hello Kay!

As this guy told you, he's afraid of you. What he means by that is that he's afraid of you dominating his time and attention - exactly what you've asked me to help you do. Obviously you DO NOT want to do that.

To be blunt, I don't think you have much of a chance here with this guy. He doesn't seem interested in you. That doesn't mean you should absolutely give up, but you have to realize that your chances with him are slim.

Think about this for a minute: have you ever been in a store or on the beach in a foreign country and had a sales person stop you to try to sell you something? It's terrifying because you believe that he's going try to keep you there as long as he can in order to get money out of you. That's what this guy is feeling about you - that you want to take something from him.

Instead, you have to turn that around. You want to GIVE him something based on what HE wants or needs.

Therein lays your trick. Instead of approaching him to talk (which equates to taking his time and interest) you need to engage HIM to start talking instead.

There's a great article on my website about asking "Open Ended Questions". You can find it linked in my FAQ's at my website: http://BeingAMan.com. That's the best place you can start. Read that article and see if it helps you.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
CEO/Executive Producer
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BAM! Productions
Remington Publications
323.638.4145
http://beingaman.com
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”

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Dr. Dennis W. Neder

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I'm able to answer any sort of question related to the approach, meeting people, dating, sex, relationships, break-ups, non-legal marriage and divorce questions, and anything in between. I've helped over 30,000 people with their individual issues. IMPORTANT: Please, PLEASE don't ask me, "what was he thinking..." or "why did he say..." types of questions! I DO NOT READ MINDS! There are 1,001 reasons why someone does what they do, says what they say or thinks what they think. If you *REALLY* want to know what they were thinking, saying or why they were acting that way - go ask them! Be sure to check out my FAQ's on my website at: http://beingaman.com. You can email me directly at: dwneder@beingaman.com.

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I am the author of the books "Being a Man in a Woman`s World I & II" and "1001 Places and Techniques to Meet Great Women" and 11 others. I`ve spent the last 20 years studying the art and science of every aspect of relationships, and have answered over 30,000 letters from readers all over the world. My main focus is men`s relationships with women, but I also have many female readers and answer questions for them regularly as well.

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Doctor of Philosophy

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