General Dating Questions/Confused and upset

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Question
Hi Becky!

I'm 21 and I started seeing this guy about a week ago, he's 26. I met him through my step brother in December and at that point I was in a long distance relationship with a fantastic guy and had no real interest in pursuing much however we spent a good chunk of the night flirting and chatting, which we uncovered that we had a lot in common and he admitted he had a crush on me instantly. I chose to ignore that and chose to cease contact due to the fact I was dating at the time.

So my ex and I chose to part ways: the relationship was really taking a fall because of the lack of being able to see one another and some things became unveiled that caused us to part ways a short time ago permanently and it was for the best on both ends. Neither of us were really happy and it no longer made sense for us to prolong the relationship when it had fizzled out months ago. But that's really besides the point.

I started seeing this guy now and he used my step brothers Facebook to check up on me I guess. Because the break up was quite fresh, only about a week old, I had yet to really update anything like taking down the forsaken relationship status and removing photos. But my ex and I were friends for 5 years before and we only dated a short time and share many mutual friends, plus the break up was pleasant and what not that I wasn't in a hurry to destroy any evidence of his existence. I work a lot and don't spend much time online. Anyways, the guy I'm seeing took it as that we are still together, and rightfully so, I would have assumed the same thing. I assured him it was my own laziness and that I'll do it right away, that he can message and my ex and friends for confirmation that it did infact end. I told him I would delete it all right now, show him text message and everything to further prove that it was just a lack of keeping my social media up to date.

He said that he doesn't trust me anymore and never will, that he doesn't give a sh*t if I change it all and that I'm just your typical, lying sl*t. He was really upset and I tried my best to explain the scenario. He told me he thinks we shouldn't see each other anymore and to go be with my ex. He said he needed space and for me to leave him alone. So I did. 3 hours later he texts me saying he still wants to see me. I went over to talk to him and he didn't even want to bring it up anymore and that he he's crazy thinking about it but that he would like to see me on the weekend.

Now he won't text me back or talk to me anymore and I don't know what to make of this situation. I feel like he's done with me and just wants to use me as a booty call and what not despite him claiming he no longer cares. I also feel like he overreacted as he needs to understand I freshly got out of a relationship and that not all people go on a psycho rampage and hate their ex for all eternity. What do you think? Some of my friends say this isn't a good idea as he's already displaying aggressive and possessiveness over me when we aren't even an item and others say he's just looking out for himself because he likes me. Im afraid he's playing games now.

Answer
Jaida,

while you may be upset because you thought this relationship would work out after your ex and yourself broke up, it seems that more has been unveiled to you. Just as your relationship previous to this up and coming one uncovered some things that you knew you couldn't work with, so too is this gentleman showing you some attributes of himself that I don't think are quite admirable. He gets upset and starts name calling you? As a logical individual, it takes time to remove pictures and better yet, adults don't freak out after a break up and remove every bit of evidence that the ex had lived with them or spent x amount of time with them once. It happened and people move on, as adults and with maturity. This guy is showing exactly what your friends are describing to you. Not to mention, your point before that, "psycho rampage and hate their ex for all of eternity" when you've gracefully gotten out of a relationship, those issues don't arise. Unless you're in high school.

You should be pleased that this happened early on in the "getting to know you" phase of your relationship. Otherwise, you could have really gotten yourself involved with someone, who to me, seems emotional.

Best of luck,

Becky

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Becky

Expertise

I can answer almost everything. I am religious person who strongly believes in G-d. If spiritual guidance is also something that you are seeking for, then I am careful and competent in that region. I am also very aware that it's hard to ask for help, with that being said, I am sensitive to others feelings and have gone through hardships in relationships, which demonstrates a quality of empathy and consciousness when it comes to everyday dating situations. I can answer break-up confusions/confusions in dating in general. I can NOT read minds and can answer to the best of my ability in regards to the detail you provide me. With that in consideration, please do not send me pages of information. Pick the most important and effective way to explain the problem and we can make this our problem and our solution together.

Experience

I have been in confusing relationships. Most of all I was in a 5 year relationship that really helped me in developing my intellect and sensitivities, which also played a huge role in discovering myself and those around me.

Organizations
Chai Life Line; deals with special needs children

Education/Credentials
Bachelor of Arts in English Literature Certified teacher in Canada; recognized internationally

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