General Dating Questions/Not sure if it's love?


So Im 30 and he's 28. Problem is he's my friends brother. Anyway, I've known him for 15 years and I've always
Had this crush on him that came and went. We flirt and such and recently on a vacation i went with my friend and
Their family we flirted quite a bit. Anyway, it's been about three weeks since I've seen him and normally this would
Be when my crush would have faded. Idk if it's becsuse were both older now and both single, but I keep telling myself it's never going to work. I keep dreaming of him and when I go out (once a week or every two weeks) and if I'm drinking I think of him. The other day I was upset and I just wish he was there. I have no courage whatsoever to tell my friend. On our trip she joked that me and him should move in together since we're both looking to move to the city but then we would both have trouble finding a significant other bc we live together. Idk why I can't get him out of my mind I just keep remembering all the fun we've had over the years I've known him and how I find him very attractive recently. The thought of him getting a gf scares me. I would be happy for him for sure, just I can't figure this feeling out. I shouldn't even have these feelings. I mean it was never Ioke this in the years that Ive known him. I don't even know how he feels about me but sometimes well just walk and talk or not talk at all and it feels nice. Anyway im trying to date other ppl and I want it to work out just so I can forget her brother. Not sure if this is the right approach? How do I know if I love him?

Hello Amber!

The real question is why you don't think of him when you're NOT drunk? What is drinking obscuring about him that makes you not really attracted to him?

As to loving him, you absolutely don't. If you did, you'd be hoping that he would find someone if you can't/won't be with him. Instead you're either obsessed with him (and possibly jealous) or you have a crush that can't move forward because you having done the work to make it happen.

You'd know soon enough if you actually tried to do something with him.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
CEO/Executive Producer
BAM! Productions
Remington Publications
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”

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Dr. Dennis W. Neder


I'm able to answer any sort of question related to the approach, meeting people, dating, sex, relationships, break-ups, non-legal marriage and divorce questions, and anything in between. I've helped over 30,000 people with their individual issues. IMPORTANT: Please, PLEASE don't ask me, "what was he thinking..." or "why did he say..." types of questions! I DO NOT READ MINDS! There are 1,001 reasons why someone does what they do, says what they say or thinks what they think. If you *REALLY* want to know what they were thinking, saying or why they were acting that way - go ask them! Be sure to check out my FAQ's on my website at: You can email me directly at:


I am the author of the books "Being a Man in a Woman`s World I & II" and "1001 Places and Techniques to Meet Great Women" and 11 others. I`ve spent the last 20 years studying the art and science of every aspect of relationships, and have answered over 30,000 letters from readers all over the world. My main focus is men`s relationships with women, but I also have many female readers and answer questions for them regularly as well.

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