General Dating Questions/friends with benefits


Recently, a male friend expressed his romantic interest in me. However I told him I did not feel ready for a relationship (I have been in a few, and decided that I am not emotionally mature and would like to wait for at least a year or more). However we remained friends, and without really saying anything, I guess our friendship turned into a friends with benefits thing. Keep in mind, he still has feelings for me.

Anyway, the other week, I met up with an ex. It was to hang out, which we did, but also at the end, we did make out a bit. I'm not sure why, but I felt obligated to tell the FWB guy. I felt a bit guilty for it, so I did tell him, and he was jealous about it and quite upset. But also told me not to worry, that he was being silly, because we are not in a relationship or anything.

I met up with that ex again, but didn't do anything sexual, because I felt guilty.

So I guess what I want to ask, is what do I do in this situation? We are not dating, we are not exclusive, merely friends with benefits. But he does have feelings for me and gets upset if I even hang out with a male friend with which I have a purely platonic friendship with. The logical part of me says not to care and to do what I want, because we are not in a relationship. And that I should keep other things to myself and not tell him. The moral and emotional side of me says to respect his feelings and not do anything with anyone else.

What is your opinion?

p.s. we are both 19.


One thought to start off: emotional maturity isn't about time. One month, one year, even one lifetime isn't enough for some people to reach emotional maturity. Instead, it's about milestones. Ask yourself, "What do I have to [do/be able to do/be comfortable with/etc.] to consider myself 'emotionally mature'?".

Regarding what you and the ex did or didn't do - DO NOT tell FWB guy!!! I can't stress this enough. Frankly, it's something you're going to have to take to your grave with you.

Consider this: what would you gain by telling him? He'll be hurt emotionally and will turn that around into a lack of trust for you. Will you feel less guilty? No, you won't. In fact, you'll likely fee more guilt.

This is a good mix with the discussion on emotional maturity. When you see yourself automatically making good decisions based on other people's needs, wants and situations, you can say pretty accurately that you're "emotionally mature". Instead, doing things for your own benefit without considering them is an emotionally immature act.


Dr. Dennis W. Neder
CEO/Executive Producer
BAM! Productions
Remington Publications
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”

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Dr. Dennis W. Neder


I'm able to answer any sort of question related to the approach, meeting people, dating, sex, relationships, break-ups, non-legal marriage and divorce questions, and anything in between. I've helped over 30,000 people with their individual issues. IMPORTANT: Please, PLEASE don't ask me, "what was he thinking..." or "why did he say..." types of questions! I DO NOT READ MINDS! There are 1,001 reasons why someone does what they do, says what they say or thinks what they think. If you *REALLY* want to know what they were thinking, saying or why they were acting that way - go ask them! Be sure to check out my FAQ's on my website at: You can email me directly at:


I am the author of the books "Being a Man in a Woman`s World I & II" and "1001 Places and Techniques to Meet Great Women" and 11 others. I`ve spent the last 20 years studying the art and science of every aspect of relationships, and have answered over 30,000 letters from readers all over the world. My main focus is men`s relationships with women, but I also have many female readers and answer questions for them regularly as well.

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