General Dating Questions/Why is he doing this?

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Question
Hi,

So I've been spending time with this person for about eight months. We're very close friends, hang out in the same social group, and work together. We've bonded a lot. Over the eight months, we started kissing, spending time cuddling, developing feelings for each other. In the last two months, we've started having sex.

He has maintained for the whole time that we are "just friends". The situation is complicated, as he and my ex are also friends. We've kept our time together a secret for the most part. But it is undeniable that we are attracted to each other, get along wonderfully, and care about each other.

He has told me that he is emotionally unavailable and that he sees other women. I hate that he does that, and stupidly I keep hoping that he will "realize" how great we are together and finally decide to just be monogamously casual with me. I'm not looking for a hardcore relationship yet, but it hurts me that he can be so casual.

For example, this past week, we spent a lot of time together. He slept over, we went out for food, held hands and kissed in public. He admitted to me that he is jealous of a relationship I have with a friend, and cried. I felt extremely, surprisingly close to him, like we were moving forward. But then last night he passed on hanging out with me, and spent the night with one of his other women. And today I feel sick.

I'm really dependent now on him to make me feel good about myself, which I know is silly. But I don't get why he is giving me such mixed messages. Yes, our circumstances are difficult, what with my ex being in the picture, our social group always hungry for drama. But I can't tell if that is why he is so hot and cold with me, or if he is just using me and leading me on. We really do have a great connection and I don't understand why he is so tepid and can be so hurtful to me.

Answer
Hello, J.

This kind of situation is not uncommon. Although I cannot read his mind, chances are that he enjoys the attention from different women who admire him and who care about him. Hoping that you will become the only one for him now and putting your life on hold based on that hope is not a good idea as statistically that's unlikely to happen.  

Thanks,

PH

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