Question Hello would you please give me some advice on a difficult situation. I'm 26 and there is a co worker who is 40. I've had a crush on her for awhile. We've always talked and played back and forth and she would always hug me and say she loved me when ever she would see me. I would always playfully hug and say I love you back. She says that I'm her favorite and that I'm her only friend. She has baked me cookies and given me various other gifts. She will text my phone and if I respond she will immediately call me. She says she'd rather talk to me and hear my voice. I look forward to her messages and talking to her each day. On Valentines day she and I were together and she asked me would I like to kiss her. I said yes and we kissed. I then asked her for another kiss. We then went back to work. Her behavior then started to become erratic and she left early. On my way home I saw her siting in someone's front yard peeing. She really seemed out of it. I helped her home and then went on my way. The next time I saw her. I mentioned everything that happened. she apologized for her behavior including the kiss and explained that she was bipolar and was having a fight with her boyfriend. She then asked if the kiss was good and would I do it again. I said yes. After that she smiled gave me a hug and then told me that I was her only true friend. Over the next few weeks we continued to talk as usual and she'd still hug me every time she saw me. Then one night at random she calls me asking me to take her to a bar because her and her boyfriend were fighting she claims he was being really mean and pushing her. I said no and she hung up. She then continued to call me. She said that she was walking to the bar and that she really needed a friend. I stayed on the phone with her until her boyfriend finally picked her up. The following week she calls me telling me she's having a nervous break down. I agree to go bike riding with her and she starts acting even weirder and rides off on her own. The following week she tells me she's meeting with a psychiatrist and that she's going to be starting on new meds. About a week later she shows up at work completely wasted and crying saying that her boyfriend is leaving her and she wants die. Our supervisor then calls the police and she is taken home. Later that day as I'm coming out of the grocery store I see her standing by the door. She said she recognized my bike and was waiting for me because she really needed a friend to talk to. I listened to her and then she asked me to watch her stuff while she went in the store. She brought liquor and put it into her purse. I walked with her a bit further until her boyfriend showed up to get her. I talked with him for a bit and he thanked me for looking out for her. He said he thinks she's getting her pills mixed up. In the following days she continues to text and call me and I continue to answer and listen. Her birthday was a few days ago and she was hoping her kids would come and visit. Only her daughter came but she brought friends with her. She brought her daughter to work to meet me. Later that evening she messaged me thanking me for working for her. She told me that she was disappointed and sad because she didn't get to spend anytime with her daughter. The next day she invited me over to have some of her cake and to keep her company. Her daughter and her friends had left early. We sat and talked for awhile. She told me about her past and how she use to be a stripper and have sugar daddies. She said she meet her current boyfriend while escaping from an abusive sugar daddy she had down in Florida. We talked some more and then she hugged me and we kissed again. Honestly we kissed for awhile. I know it wasn't the best or smartest thing to do. However I do genuinely care for and have feelings for her. She is honestly a good person and I do enjoy her company and friendship. It's just that some times she can be very erratic with her behavior and that makes me worried for her and myself. The relationship status with on again off again abusive boy friend is unsettling as well. My friends and family say that she is a liar and manipulator and the word around town is that she's an alcoholic. Today she told me she hasn't been taking her meds because she's afraid of the side effects. I've come to the conclusion that as much as I love and care for her I don't like this whole situation. I can't keep being the guy she runs to when ever she and him aren't getting along. I'm also getting tired of the dramatic phone calls and messages. The stress from worrying if she is ok is wearing me down. I've also been working multiple shifts covering her hours and job duties as well as mine. I know I told her that I wouldn't leave her as long as she never left me but honestly it's all getting to be too much for me. What is the best way to get out of this mess? Thank you for any help and advice you may give.
Answer there's no good way...some things are not meant to have good endings; she's obviously become somewhat dependent on your friendship; she really needs to be placed in a mental health facility for awhile--if there's anything you can do to help make that happen, like getting her friends/family to do an intervention, then do it; as for removing yourself from the situation, try to do it gradually, becoming less and less available over time, rather than just quickly pull the plug..
expertise: over 7000 questions answered...B.A. Psychology Bates College;graduate study, Fordham Univ. School Social Work; technical editor, "dating for dummies", 2d edition, by dr joy browne; thoughtful consideration of your question, then insightful advice about love,romance and related issues given in an objective, non-judgmental manner...over 20 years of personal experience in both short and long term relationships...longer term consultations are available upon request...life experience: personal involvement in many relationships where issues of love, sex, intimacy, trust, etc., had to be dealt with and resolved...just having "experiences", however, isn`t enough...it`s the thoughtful reflection upon and analysis of what happened and why, that leads to learning and enlightenment...so tell me what`s on your mind and i`ll try to help, or tell you if i can`t...thanks
Over 20 years personal experience in dating, including both short and long-term relationships.Thoughtful reflection and analysis upon same, as well as providing imput relating to issues of love and romance to friends and acquaintances.
BA, Psychology, Bates College, Lewiston, Me. Graduate study at Fordham University School of Social Work.
Life experience can really be the only teacher in this area; however going through the experience is not enough. What is necessary is a real awareness, sensitivity to, and reflection upon what has happened, what has been lost, what has been gained. Getting beyond one's own insecurities and subjectivities, and seeing the experience in the context of the bigger picture, are essential stepping stones to learning and loving...ps..azure announces CT matchmaking service..for more, go to wishuponastar-ct.com