General Dating Questions/Broken Engagement
My boyfriend, who I have a 17 month old son with, proposed to me 11/4/2013. I accepted, but we had so many hardships, issues that tore us apart and we ended up separating for almost a month. My ring was taken and he moved out. We've since been back together trying to restore our intimacy and come closer as a couple and raise our son in a healthy environment.
We've gotten into many arguments over marriage. He feels because he proposed once, there's no need to do it again and that I should just take the ring he bought, put it on and be happy otherwise I'm being ungrateful and superficial. I don't feel the ring holds sentimental value anymore, as I was once told by him the ring was tainted the moment it touched my finger and it had been taken away from me many times before we split. I bought him an engagement ring as well, but we vowed to not taint our rings and that's all we did.
I will buy a new ring to symbolize a fresh start, whereas he doesn't feel he should so much as do a trade-in. I feel I'm deserving of that fairy-tale proposal. I feel just accepting the ring is another sign he doesn't respect or value me. Keep in mind, he told me before proposing when he would propose, showed me the receipt for the ring, and gave me the wedding band instead of the engagement ring and to add insult to injury he continues to keep the ring box on top of our refrigerator so I can see it whenever I want as if it's a piece of forgotten mail. He then told me if he buys me a new ring, it won't have a diamond in it.
He's posted online we're engaged again, so his family and friends are congratulating us, telling us to keep them posted on wedding details and he hasn't even asked me to marry him again and I feel he thinks he can get away with the bare minimum and I should be okay with that, but he wouldn't be or settle for less than he feels he deserves. Our first engagement was broken, so doesn't that mean a new proposal would be needed in order to become engaged again? Or am I just asking too much?
Wow - seriously? You have a 17-month old son, but there's not an adult in that household to raise him.
You're putting all this onus on a thing while completely ignoring what's really important. Rings don't "taint" but trust me, relationships do. Rings are given whatever significance you want to give them, but relationships have their own values - or lack of them.
Instead of focusing on what's really important here - being together, having the best relationship you can have and being the best examples of parents you can be for your son, you're actually fighting over some hunk of metal that very frankly has far less value than the number on the receipt.
As to that diamond? Really? You have no idea just how worthless that thing really is. You can't trade it in or sell it and get any real value. It doesn't appreciate and in fact, isn't unique at all. There are entire warehouses absolutely full of them with a single company manipulating and controlling your belief in it's value.
Kindly go enjoy this video - it's short and I'll wait for you:
Here you are ready to jump in, trade it away and get far less than 1/2 what was originally paid just to make your point - and to punish him for hurting your feelings.
Janine, come on here. Let it go. This isn't a battle you can or should try to win. Get this relationship fixed and put the emphasis where it belongs - on these guys in your life. Fix what's broken there. It's not about the ring, it's about the relationship.
Dr. Dennis W. Neder
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”