General Dating Questions/What will happen now?


QUESTION: I am studying in Spain for 6 months & have been here for 2 months, and have already formed a group of friends who I see on a regular basis. There's a girl within the group who's also my classmate & I see everyday.

Here is what happened: for the past few weeks, several people have been stating there is 'something there' between this girl and I (My classmate)/(they think something could happen), but we would both deny nothing 'was there' & she said she wasn't attracted to me. We get along fine, but sometimes there was always a weird energy vibe between us - I can't explain it but our friends & even our teacher picked up on it & predicted something could happen.

Well, last Saturday before we went out as a group we have a pre-drinking event at her flat & I arrived 2 hours late because I met a lovely Spanish girl earlier. THIS is where I was CONFUSED; upon arriving 2 hours late at her place, our friends asked me what happened & I said I had sex with this Spanish girl. I immediately noticed the "classmate girl" got annoyed, bitter, jealous when she learnt I was with a girl. She was quite tipsy so her true feelings came out. She said she couldn't stand the fact I looked smug or proud of myself. It made me uncomfortable so I dint say much else. She hasn't been with a guy in 6 months since her ex bf.

During the night, we were all dancing and somehow we both ended losing the others from our group. she was still quite drunk so I thought it would be better to look after her. we sat down on the bench and she began asking personal questions about this girl I was with earlier. Then she began sitting on my lap sexually and before you know, we kissed and went back to her apartment & we had ***. She said we shouldn't because we are friends and she hasn't been with a guy in a long time. But she didn't want to stop... The next morning as I leaving she said we should act normal like nothing happen, even though she didn't regret it.

We had classes today and everything appeared like nothing ever happened and she was acting cool over it. I am slightly confused over it and don't know how to access the situation. I will be fine and be cool too but deep down - I'm still confused on what happened and what to do now. I will never mention it again, ask her was it a one off or was I used for her physically needs?

Please help and give me your interpretation.... Thanks

ANSWER: I will give you my best interpretation of what transpired based on the information youíve given me. There is a powerful force that women universally respond to in men. That force is called CHALLENGE. I believe it to be the key difference between men who are successful with women, and those who are not. If you watch men who are successful with women, they do not act or come off as desperate or aggressive. They remain cool in all situations with women and do not ďtry too hard.Ē Challenge is the ability to say NO to women and hear NO from women without it affecting you as a man. When you donít come off as desperate or aggressive, women often do not know what to make of it. Most of the other men they encounter on a daily basis are overt with their desires towards them. When a man does not partake in this typical male behavior, it confuses and arouses them to find out more. This is the essence of Challenge.

What happened in your situation with your female classmate is a variation on Challenge. Your classmate most likely had some level of romantic interest in you from the start, but it wasnít enough to take things to the next level. When you walked into that party, and she became aware that you had just been with another women, her competitive side took over. The alcohol helped this along Iím sure. Here this girl was conflicted about you at first, but once she knew you were wanted by another woman, that pushed her over the edge, and she could no longer contain herself. The night you experienced with her is the result of those feelings. Women are very competitive with one another when they both are interested in the same man. When more than one woman wants the same man, they interpret this as a Challenge without you having to do a thing. You did the right thing by playing it cool and sitting back and letting this all occur naturally.

It is too soon to say if this will go beyond just a one-night stand. That is now up to you and her to decide. If you are interested in her romantically, you will need to take her on a proper date. If you are comfortable leaving things as is, then that is just fine as well. The choice is yours. Good luck and have fun.

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Thanks for your response. I have a follow up -

You said all girls like a 'challenge', right? In that case if I was to subtly mention to our friends (they would tell the classmate girl), that I have dates with other girls and making myself extra busy with my social life - would that further interest the girl and make her want me more since I'm 'wanted by other girls'..?
My aim to is to further increase my value by indirectly stating im a fun guy who can and will meet other people and date other girls if and when I want too - INSTEAD of chasing this classmate girl and being desperate or needy with her..?

Awaiting your response.

Yes, the vast majority of women respond positively to challenge. Some women will say that intellectually they donít like the challenge, but their actions towards men who are a challenge say otherwise. Actions are far more important than words, by the way. Keep that in mind throughout all your future interactions with women. If a woman does not respond positively to challenge, it usually means they are structured, inflexible or stubborn. If you are attracted to those types of women, more power to ya.

My response to your question/suggestion in short is, YES. Everything youíve said I agree with. Let me know if you have any other questions I can help with.  

General Dating Questions

All Answers

Answers by Expert:

Ask Experts


Mike Lamb


My expertise is in answering questions from men about dating women. I have a wealth of knowledge pertaining to nearly all facets of the dating world today. We all know that there are ways to be successful in dating, but what are they? I can answer that for you. I want to teach you how to find not just any woman who will date you, but the RIGHT woman who has long-term potential for a healthy relationship. That starts with how you act and treat women in the very beginning of the dating stages. I can teach how to get there and stay there for the duration of the relationship, on into marriage if that's where it leads. My aim is to teach you to respect yourselves as men first, to be gentlemen, and to change your life for the better. That is my passion. I want to support all good men in successful dating practices. I am not here to offer pick-up techniques or to help you get women into bed. My purpose is more noble than that. I cannot answer questions pertaining to psychology or psychological problems as these would best be addressed by a licensed mental health counselor.


For over a decade, I have dedicated myself to becoming a better man and to understanding women. This has led me to all sorts of seminars, training programs, books, etc. There is a wealth of information out there, but how much of it really is useful in real-world application? I have narrowed down the best and most-relevant information for men as it pertains to dating. This is information I have tested and learned in the real world from personal experiences and also gathered from the personal experiences of those closest to me.

The Doc Love Club

I am a Life Coach and hold a degree in Business Administration.

©2017 All rights reserved.