General Dating Questions/Urgent advice needed
Hi Dr Neder,
I am hoping for some urgent advice?
I've written to you before regarding how to make my current date like me. Basically, we have been seeing each other for the last three months. I'm a nurse and he is a doctor that moved down to England from scotland to train as an emergency medicine doctor. However he hated England passionately and became very depressed.
We got on very well and got physical very quickly. He said he didn't want a relationship because he didn't want to get attached to me because he wanted to live in rural Scotland and he didnt think I'd fit in with that kind of lifestyle. So we agreed to have a physical only relationship. The sex was amazing but it overlapped too. He would call or text me daily and we'd have long chats, and he would tell me he liked me for more than sex....that we had a funny kind of relationship. I decided to try my best to make him love me. I loved him from the moment I met him. He's 6ft 4, handsome, a good doctor, thoughtful, funny; and that scottish accent is beautiful. Things were going okay.
He went to South africa last week to visit a close friend from medical school and to soul search. When he got back he seemed distant. He told me that he'd decided to finish the year of training and then return to Scotland to train as a GP ( in rural scotland). He doesn't want me to go with him.
He has kept his distance from me and kept his guard up because he knew this would happen. He leaves in August 2015. Should I keep seeing him and try to make him love me? Or admit defeat and end it?
Your advice is appreciated
This isn't really a question I can answer for you. There are too many other factors involved. However, I can give you the right things to ask yourself to decide.
First, are you getting from him and the relationship what you want/need right now? I know this isn't what you want long-term, but that's not really the issue right now. If you are, then enjoying it for now and using it to build up your own sexual/dating chops is probably a good idea.
Are you going to be able to let things be where they are without constant pressure on him to make them more?
Can you use this time to get comfortable with this relationship being a fling; having an ending or not?
Finally, how can you leverage this relationship into something (and someone!) else? What can you gain from it?
Dr. Dennis W. Neder
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”