General Dating Questions/Getting a girlfriend


Hey, James,

I'm 22, single, never had a girlfriend, and I am FED UP.

Here's my approach.... I don't. I just go with the flow, put myself out there, talk to people and hope something happens. I mainly just try to leave things to chance while at the same time being a tiny bit pro-active. I don't flirt or hit on girls. I dress OK, wear cologne, and I smile a lot.

I make friends pretty easily -- most of them are female (good or bad?) -- and all of them -- yes, EACH AND EVERY ONE -- has a boyfriend. I can make other people laugh easily and usually get along well with others. I just have awful luck, it seems like.

I think I'm too picky. I just.... maybe this will sound shallow, but I just want to be with someone that I find attractive. I'm not asking for a beauty queen -- just someone who dresses nice and I like the way they look. The problem is, I'm ugly. How do I make myself attracted to girls that I'm not attracted to?

I want to lower my standards because it's unrealistic for me to expect to be attracted to the person I'm with. I'm not being sarcastic... today was just a bad day and the semester has ended and I won't see most of my friends until the fall. So I'm lonely, but not desperate or anything.

How do I get a girlfriend, James? I feel like it boils down to the just-be-friends-first approach -- which is generally geared towards guys who aren't experienced (me) -- then there's the macho, handsome pick-up approach for guys who just want to get some. I want more than that!

What do I do?

Thanks. Please write back soon! My sister is my go-to person for this stuff, and right now she's busy and not answering my texts.

I don't really know a single best approach for getting a girlfriend. I myself have been flying solo for a while now so take all I say with a grain of salt. I can relate to finding more attractive women desirable and much lesser so the more average looking girls. I don't think it is necessarily a bad thing to have mostly female friends. It shows you must have a certain sensitivity and don't scare women away with perverse humor like me. lol. I say use it to your advantage. Ask them to set you up on dates since they can attest that you're a normal guy? And if not that focus on common interests. If you like going to sports events go, or sci fi conventions, or the museum. Go somewhere specific that will give you common ground with anyone else that shows up in a given place. Other than these ideas just be relaxed. Be yourself and respect yourself. Women can sense internal conflicts in guys. Just present yourself as as happy as you expect a girlfriend would make you. Hope this helps.

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First and foremost if you read ahead you'll find I have a word limit on questions I'll read. This site is for short simple questions and it should not be for writing essays. Please also note I am unfamilar with most cultures outside of United Stated, UK, and France. Please respect my rules. I don't like rejecting questions. I will be the first to admit that I don't know everything about dating, women/men, and interpersonal connections. However I have learned quite a bit vicariously from other people's experiences. Think of my advice as a second opinion. I would be happy to answer all questions related to relationships, dating, self-confidence, and self-image that I can. I have struggled with all of those things and probably know better than most how to deal with all of them.

I hope more than anything that my advice and opinions will help give people perspective in their lives, and hopefully make them feel better about themselves and their situations. I will attempt answering questions for anyone of any age group or nationality. However it would be particularly useful to know the age of all people involved. It does make a difference towards the advice I give. Also not terribly familar with arranged marriages and situations in which the family can dictate the details of the relationship.

My Rules:
1). I can't answer questions that ask if a girl or guy likes the other (very difficult to know remotely)
2). No questions that are More Than 250 Words. I understand that problems can be complex, but there is a real limit to how much I can read and fully understand. Particularly if English isn't the questioner's native language.
3). Only questions from Americans, Canadians, British, and cute French women.
4). No questions that ask the meaning behind if a person sets their FB status to single, coupled, or private or if they still have a dating profile undeleted somewhere. If you're cyber snooping you're likely the issue.


I don't really have any specific experience in this area other than learning from other people's mistakes and a few of my own, and whatever I've learned as a psychology major.

B.S. Psychology

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