General Dating Questions/Men

Advertisement


Question
QUESTION: Hello Dr. Dennis,

How are you.

I read your articles and watch your YouTube clips :)

Very interesting about relationships :)

Question for you.

When a woman is on a date with a man (especially a high status type an that has many options)

What are some things she can do to make him excited for her?

In bed, what are some things she can do or say to make him go crazy and desire her and pick her over the others?

During the course of the relationship (difficult to do this on first few dates)

What are some things that she could do or say that will make him really appreciate her?

Of course this can't be one sided .... He has to show her he genuinely likes her and isn't just looking at her as a fuck buddy or side piece. If he is just a young horny guy looking for one night of sex this can't work no matter how perfect she is.

But there are some things women can do to help a relationship along.

Tips?

Thanks :)
Ana

ANSWER: Hello Ana!

Thanks for your feedback on the articles and videos!

Here's today's reality: every man ("high-status" or not) as many options. While there's never been a better time for people to succeed, there's also never been more choice or availability. This is one (of many) reasons why so many men are simply opting out of marriage and committed relationships.

Thus, the answer to your question becomes one of sales. In effect, you need to think of "selling" your potential suitor on a very limited number of key factors:

1) Why he should consider dating/being in a relationship at all;
2) With you; and,
3) In the "format" you want.

To that last point; there are actually many different kinds of relationship "formats". Marriage is only one of those as is dating exclusively, dating non-exclusively, etc., etc. Thus, first, you need to know what you're looking for - any why you are looking for it. If you don't know why, you're never going to help "motivate" someone else to understand it either.

Consider this question: "What do I bring to the table?" For most people, this is a very difficult question to answer and thus, they just ignore it entirely for the more "fun" things like "What do I get from being in a relationship?" However, in today's dating market, if you want to be successful, you'd better not only consider it but actually have a real, viable answer to it!

I teach my students to ask this question ON THE VERY FIRST DATE. No, I'm not kidding. If you don't know what your own value is, then how will I ever figure it out? More to the point, why should I bother? (Oh, and my students also learn to answer the question too!)

Once you've figured this out - what makes you unique and special and why someone else not only wants but NEEDS to have you in their life; then it becomes a simple matter of expressing it.

This is your first (and frankly, ONLY goal) of your first date with someone! How can you express your particular, unique value to that person so that they get it?

Far too many women (this being an almost female-exclusive problem) just expect guys to get it. We don't. It's one of the reasons learning to express these values clearly is so important.

Obviously, every guy is different. It's impossible to say that all guys what the same things, but there are some similarities. For instance, we want girls to be fun and "light", we don't want to have to be the guy who fixes everything, we don't want to read your minds (ever!) and we need you to bring solid, healthy, enthusiastic sexual skills.

To this latter point (and your question) it involves being completely open and comfortable with your sexuality. You need to have real skills - born from real experience. Too many women do nothing with their sexualities assuming that some guy will come along and just unlock it all for them. No, we won't. That's your job BEFORE we meet you.

Likewise, we don't want to have to pay for sex with you. I'm not talking about prostitution (although it sometimes comes down to that). I'm talking about everything weighing on sex as though you get nothing out of it. Sex is its own benefit.

Ana, you can see this is a pretty complicated question. If you focus on what you bring and your overall skills - and being able to communicate these things effectively you'll be way ahead of 80% of other women - your competition.

Finally, understand that the dating market is getting more difficult - not less so - as time goes along. You need to be doing these things NOW as it's not going to be easier next year or the year after that.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
CEO/Executive Producer
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
BAM! Productions
Remington Publications
323.638.4145
http://beingaman.com
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Great! Thanks.

Yes I notice a shift. 5 years ago, all the guys in my class would talk excitedly about getting married and having kids. Nowadays that's not the case...and even the girls are adamant against getting married.

What are some things a girl can say on the date, or during sex, to make it exciting for the man?

ANSWER: Hello again Ana!

WHICH man? WHAT situation?

Ana, there's no script to follow. If there were, I'd be out of business.

The goal is to connect with a man's goals and to do that you have to actually talk to him - and listen carefully about what he tells you. Then, find where your own goals match his and communicate those things. As I said before, be open and comfortable about your sexuality. Express sex to him and be open to him doing the same things.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
CEO/Executive Producer
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
BAM! Productions
Remington Publications
323.638.4145
http://beingaman.com
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: I would say a smart sexy man that gets attention from a lot of women. What should she do in that case?

Also, on a side note, how did Amal Alamuddin manage to hook George Clooney when tons of other women failed? What are your thoughts and suspicions on this. Or you think George was just getting older and looking to get hitched and have a kid before he got too old?

Answer
Hey Ana!

I never speculate on Hollywood relationships. They are a very different thing from "normal" relationships, but, with that said, let me tell you what I'm sure she DIDN'T do:

* Play "hard to get"
* Not answer his phone calls
* Wait an hour or longer to return his text messages
* Hold him off from sex
* Be whiny or naggy
* Act insecure about his past relationships
* Try to be controlling about his direction and his career
* Insist on being married in exchange for anything
* Not be the supportive, caring "team player" of his life
* Act unenthusiastic about being with him or trying to look "too busy"
...etc.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
CEO/Executive Producer
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
BAM! Productions
Remington Publications
323.638.4145
http://beingaman.com
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”

General Dating Questions

All Answers


Answers by Expert:


Ask Experts

Volunteer


Dr. Dennis W. Neder

Expertise

I'm able to answer any sort of question related to the approach, meeting people, dating, sex, relationships, break-ups, non-legal marriage and divorce questions, and anything in between. I've helped over 30,000 people with their individual issues. IMPORTANT: Please, PLEASE don't ask me, "what was he thinking..." or "why did he say..." types of questions! I DO NOT READ MINDS! There are 1,001 reasons why someone does what they do, says what they say or thinks what they think. If you *REALLY* want to know what they were thinking, saying or why they were acting that way - go ask them! Be sure to check out my FAQ's on my website at: http://beingaman.com. You can email me directly at: dwneder@beingaman.com.

Experience

I am the author of the books "Being a Man in a Woman`s World I & II" and "1001 Places and Techniques to Meet Great Women" and 11 others. I`ve spent the last 20 years studying the art and science of every aspect of relationships, and have answered over 30,000 letters from readers all over the world. My main focus is men`s relationships with women, but I also have many female readers and answer questions for them regularly as well.

Education/Credentials
Doctor of Philosophy

©2016 About.com. All rights reserved.