General Dating Questions/What does he want


So I met this guy through a mutual friend. Right off the bat we hit it off. It's been about 2 months now. Here's 33 I'm 30. We go out , he's made dinner, I've made dinner. Yes we've had sex. His last gf was 5 years and it ended in September 2014. His dad got into an accident and was hospitalized since December. He actually passed away 3 weeks ago. After that we had this convo about us and he said that he feels as though I am ready for a relationship but he's not ready for that.  That with all that happened with his dad he can't "feel" anything right now. I asked him if he's still got feelings for his ex he said no he just cares about her as a person but not feelings in that way.  I asked him if this is just about sex for him he said no I enjoy spending time with you. He's very open and honest and I admire that.He said we can be friends and reevaluate in a month if I like or keep it's going. I told him I've been okay with the way it's going and it had only been a month and half so I didn't expect a relationship . He said he wanted us to grow together and that "this is definitely the start of something"  I asked him if he ever sees himself in a relationship (in general )he said right now I can't say, but given my history I would say yes. (His last gf was 5 years, one before 7). He also said he never expected us to progress so quickly and that he didn't think we would 'click' as well as we do.

We have deep conversations sometimes, he texts everyday and asks how my days going, if I slept well or what I ate. He sends very long text msgs. We see each other 1-2 times week. I met one of his good friends, he's talked about me to his family. He met some of my good friends. I came back from a trip recently n our schedules were conflicting cuz he's going on a trip this week so I said I guess I'll c u when u come back n he's like can we do lunch or coffee this thur, please? Day of his flight.

Anyway it seems different from the typical guy that doesn't wanna commit. I just don't know if his father passing could make him feel this way . I was planning on giving it time as it's only been 2 months.  I owning badger him or anything. How do I get him to want to eventually commit? I let him make the plans now, I've become more guarded .

Sara, 2 months is a long time to be banking on a person to commit. If he isn't doing it now, it's hard to say whether the future looks hopeful. I would say give yourself some breathing room from this and allow yourself, while he's away, to think about what you want from this. A lot of men fool women into thinking that they're not interested in committing to anyone etc. Rather instead of just being upfront and honest, they end up just wasting away their time together until someone gets hurt and walks away.

Before you think of giving another 3 months to this guy, think about whether or not you're emotional equipped to wait. Give yourself a deadline. If by x date he is not ready to stay committed, I would walk away. Rather, I'd speed walk out of the relationship.

Hope this helps,


General Dating Questions

All Answers

Answers by Expert:

Ask Experts




I can answer almost everything. I am religious person who strongly believes in G-d. If spiritual guidance is also something that you are seeking for, then I am careful and competent in that region. I am also very aware that it's hard to ask for help, with that being said, I am sensitive to others feelings and have gone through hardships in relationships, which demonstrates a quality of empathy and consciousness when it comes to everyday dating situations. I can answer break-up confusions/confusions in dating in general. I can NOT read minds and can answer to the best of my ability in regards to the detail you provide me. With that in consideration, please do not send me pages of information. Pick the most important and effective way to explain the problem and we can make this our problem and our solution together.


I have been in confusing relationships. Most of all I was in a 5 year relationship that really helped me in developing my intellect and sensitivities, which also played a huge role in discovering myself and those around me.

Chai Life Line; deals with special needs children

Bachelor of Arts in English Literature Certified teacher in Canada; recognized internationally

©2017 All rights reserved.