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General Dating Questions/Ex showing up near my work


Hello there Dennis,

I've been single for 6 months now after a long term relationship. It ended because he came out saying he'd been cheating and apparently he just couldn't hurt me any more so he dumped me. I was heartbroken but after a few months I realized how much better off I am. I told him to stay away from me and not to make contact with me.

And then a few weeks ago I noticed him turning up to the gym next door to my work. He used to go there occasionally when we were dating so he could stop in (I work in a clothing shop) to say hello to me. He lives and works about 40 minutes away so it was quite out of his way. He also always went to the gym at night time in the whole 3 years we dated except when he wanted to say hi on his days off.

At first I thought it was a coincidence, but now I've noticed he's always turning up right when I'm leaving work so I have to walk past him to get to my car. It keeps happening and I don't know what to do? All he does it just stand there staring so I keep my head down and avoid eye contact. He hasn't said anything to me yet. But what do I do? I told him to stay away from me. And seeing him every week is really hampering my efforts in healing and I can't go anywhere to get away from him. I feel so angry and upset when I notice him and it ruins my day. Should I go say something to him?

Hello Charlotte!

Why do you have to do anything? No, you shouldn't say anything to him. If you're moving on then move on. You need to commit to your new direction regardless of what he does or doesn't do.

After a while of not getting any attention from you he'll move on too. Just like a stray cat, don't feed him if you don't want him hanging around.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
CEO/Executive Producer
BAM! Productions
Remington Publications
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”

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Dr. Dennis W. Neder


I'm able to answer any sort of question related to the approach, meeting people, dating, sex, relationships, break-ups, non-legal marriage and divorce questions, and anything in between. I've helped over 30,000 people with their individual issues. IMPORTANT: Please, PLEASE don't ask me, "what was he thinking..." or "why did he say..." types of questions! I DO NOT READ MINDS! There are 1,001 reasons why someone does what they do, says what they say or thinks what they think. If you *REALLY* want to know what they were thinking, saying or why they were acting that way - go ask them! Be sure to check out my FAQ's on my website at: You can email me directly at:


I am the author of the books "Being a Man in a Woman`s World I & II" and "1001 Places and Techniques to Meet Great Women" and 11 others. I`ve spent the last 20 years studying the art and science of every aspect of relationships, and have answered over 30,000 letters from readers all over the world. My main focus is men`s relationships with women, but I also have many female readers and answer questions for them regularly as well.

Doctor of Philosophy

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