General Dating Questions/Guy sending dick pics?

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QUESTION: Hello Dr. Neder. I had been dating a guy, we went on a couple dates. I made one BIG mistake. I told him "you're the guy of my dreams." OH NO. That might have made him think "oh i can treat her like shit! she'll stick around no matter what." Initially he was jerking me around a bit, so I told him "look, I'm losing my patience, we can either meet up tomorrow, or it's over." He scrambled and came. We went on a few more dates. We had sex and went on a few dates. Then he constantly sent me dick pics of himself so I told him, 'look i'm really attracted to you and think you're sexy, but I was at work and my boss looks at my phone, please don't send pictures of your penis.' We went on a few more dates. Then he stopped talking to me completely. So i asked him if he wanted to hang out and he said 'yea i'll let you know my schedule tonight' and then he didn't contact me. So I said "honestly if you're not interested anymore, tell me so I can move on and get on with my life, and leave you alone for good." and he said "NO NO NO NO NO NO I'm still interested im just in a meeting at work, NO NO PLEASE DONT LEAVE ME, ill call you tonight" and then he didn't call me.

UHH.

Is there something I should text him and say? I just want to move on and forget him but I can't, I'm hooked on him, the sex was really good. He also made dinner for me several times which was wonderful.

I've dated other men but i can't move on!!

ANSWER: Hello Paulette!

Telling a guy that does NOT make him want to treat you like shit unless he's a sociopath. So then, the issue becomes about why you're attracted to sociopaths! If he's an otherwise "normal guy" (whatever the hell that is) then being straight actually works to your advantage - not against it.

Therein lays your real problem - you're all over the damned place!!! You can't (or won't - I don't know) focus and are scattered. Your message to me is exactly like this! Your title talks about dick pics, then you go on about how he's flaky, then you come up with some crap about not being able to move on.

Paulette! What in the hell do you want here? You're a moving target - no wonder this guy is flaking on you! The ONLY thing you seem to have done right is that you've (finally?) slept with him and you told him ONCE, clearly and specifically that he needed to step up.

Let's be clear about this point: YOU are your own biggest problem. Yes, this guy is a flaky jackass, but YOU are creating most of your own problems by being all over the place and not having any sort of clear direction.

What *exactly* do you want here?? You don't know! (I *KNOW* you don't know because you can't even express it to me clearly.) How is this guy supposed to know if you don't?

You CAN move on if you want to, but you don't have any direction and it's the lack of direction that is preventing you from doing anything. Get that fixed and the direction will fix itself.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
CEO/Executive Producer
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
BAM! Productions
Remington Publications
323.638.4145
http://beingaman.com
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: I sent him a message saying "look, i don't have sex with just any guy unless he's special. i'm pretty hurt you immediately stopped talking to me after we did stuff. are we ever going to go out again? or is it over between us? please tell me honestly so that i can move on."

he said "NO NO NO NO NO please dont leave me we will meet up next week."

I said "how about a date and a time? how do i know you are really going to see me?"

he said "no no no baby i really miss you i want to see you."

i said "you've told me that 3 different times. how do i know you're really going to see me next week?"

he said "no baby i'm going to see you."

In other news, instead of waiting around, i went on a date with 3 different men this week. none of them clicked with me. but this previous guy and clicked so well. it's so comfortable and peaceful with him. and the sex was out of this world. UHHH. that's why i can't walk away.

Answer
Hello again Paulette!

Ok, repeat this with me;

Actions, not words.
Actions, not words.
Actions, not words.
Actions, not words.

...Keep going until that idea reeeeeeeeeeeeally sinks in.

Anyone can say anything to anybody. Just because someone says a thing (like "no, no, no ... I really want to see you...") doesn't mean shit if they don't back it up with ... what? Come on - say it with me:

ACTION

If his actions don't match his words, stop listening to his words and start watching his actions! ONLY! Nothing else!

In fact, you CAN walk away if you want to. Your actions however tell me you don't want you. That action tells me one more thing: you just love the pain.

If so, trust me, there are tons and tons of guys who will use you, hurt you, mistreat you, lie to you, etc. You're missing out on all of them by being hung up on this idiot! If that's what you want, go find another idiot.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
CEO/Executive Producer
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
BAM! Productions
Remington Publications
323.638.4145
http://beingaman.com
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”

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Dr. Dennis W. Neder

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I'm able to answer any sort of question related to the approach, meeting people, dating, sex, relationships, break-ups, non-legal marriage and divorce questions, and anything in between. I've helped over 30,000 people with their individual issues. IMPORTANT: Please, PLEASE don't ask me, "what was he thinking..." or "why did he say..." types of questions! I DO NOT READ MINDS! There are 1,001 reasons why someone does what they do, says what they say or thinks what they think. If you *REALLY* want to know what they were thinking, saying or why they were acting that way - go ask them! Be sure to check out my FAQ's on my website at: http://beingaman.com. You can email me directly at: dwneder@beingaman.com.

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I am the author of the books "Being a Man in a Woman`s World I & II" and "1001 Places and Techniques to Meet Great Women" and 11 others. I`ve spent the last 20 years studying the art and science of every aspect of relationships, and have answered over 30,000 letters from readers all over the world. My main focus is men`s relationships with women, but I also have many female readers and answer questions for them regularly as well.

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Doctor of Philosophy

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