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General Dating Questions/In relationship with 2 guys


I have been in relationship with my boyfriend for a past 5 years. We were living together when he got a job in another country so he moved there a year ago. His job was supposed to be temporary. In meanwhile I have met this new guy that I really like. I have been seeing him for last 3 months. I have problems with my boyfriend and thats why I had involved myself with this new guy. Right now this new guy thinks that I have broken up with my boyfriend, and my boyfriend doesn't know anything about this new guy. I am so confused, I don't know what to do. I am 35 years old. I am a little bit affraid to start all over, but I have feelings for a new guy and I really want to be with him. I know I have ups and downs in my relationship but I also am not sure if I want to break up..

Hello Tatjana!

Long-distance relationships (LDR's) never work out if the are also long-term. By "long-term" I mean more than a year. I think anyone who really loves their partner can "keep it in their pants" for that long. Longer however becomes a real problem.

You didn't mention whether your long-distance boyfriend was absolutely coming home at some point in the future and that leads me to believe that you don't know. That's never a recipe for a good relationship! Frankly, LDR's are dangerous and lead to some very harmful outcomes that often take many months and sometimes years to fix in the people in them.

I suggest you DO NOT tell either guy about the other. All that can do is cause unnecessary emotional harm to the guys. Instead, explain to your long-distance guy that since he's not there physically, it's pointless to continue a relationship. (It is pointless by the way.) Then put something together with the new guy and make it work.


Dr. Dennis W. Neder
CEO/Executive Producer
BAM! Productions
Remington Publications
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”

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Dr. Dennis W. Neder


I'm able to answer any sort of question related to the approach, meeting people, dating, sex, relationships, break-ups, non-legal marriage and divorce questions, and anything in between. I've helped over 30,000 people with their individual issues. IMPORTANT: Please, PLEASE don't ask me, "what was he thinking..." or "why did he say..." types of questions! I DO NOT READ MINDS! There are 1,001 reasons why someone does what they do, says what they say or thinks what they think. If you *REALLY* want to know what they were thinking, saying or why they were acting that way - go ask them! Be sure to check out my FAQ's on my website at: You can email me directly at:


I am the author of the books "Being a Man in a Woman`s World I & II" and "1001 Places and Techniques to Meet Great Women" and 11 others. I`ve spent the last 20 years studying the art and science of every aspect of relationships, and have answered over 30,000 letters from readers all over the world. My main focus is men`s relationships with women, but I also have many female readers and answer questions for them regularly as well.

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