General Dating Questions/sex


QUESTION: Hi Dennis,

I went on a few dates with a guy, we really hit it off.

He was very romantic and loving and tender and caring, and he cooked dinner for me several times.

We had sex and I was really excited to do it with him, we did everything, 69, oral, anal, regular sex, doggy style, missionary, everything. I was really excited and sucked his dick for almost an hour, I took it all the way down my throat.

I told him "omg that was so amazing!"

He said "yea for you, not for me."


Then he said "well you know sex is a really important part of a relationship."

I said "well, tell me what to fix"

He said "I'm exhausted. Let's lie here for a while while I get my energy back."

I kissed him and said "ok we'll try again." He nodded.

We did it again and I had amazing screaming orgasms. We fit so perfectly and he felt so good inside me. I told him that.

I sucked his dick for a long time, using both hands and taking it all the way down my throat. I was really attracted to him.

At the end we kissed goodnight.

We haven't talked since. I've asked him to hang out multiple times and he's said no. I asked him, are we breaking up? He said no. I asked him out multiple times and he said no. It's been 3 weeks.

ANSWER: Hello Tina!

Sad story. Do you have a question?

Let me say this: I don't know where you got your sexual education from but it sounds like it's come from porn. That's the worst sex-ed there is. Trust me, adult film actresses are the worst lovers there are! They are great at "getting the angle", following direction and hitting all the (camera-friendly) positions, but lack most any other real-world skill. These are not the examples you want to use in your own love-life.

Porn isn't about good sexual technique. It's about entertainment and nothing more. Doing everything you've seen in porn doesn't make you a good lover. The results say far more about that than anything else.

Here are just two examples: anal and deep-throating. Why? Are these the best ways to please yourself or your partner? Probably not! They are included in porn because they work for the camera and the market. Were you shooting a video? No? Then, thinking that these are good sexual technique is very misguided.

If you enjoy anal (and I know a lot of women who do) then, great! Bring your partner to it with you, but don't think he needs that to get off. Deep-throating? Again, same thing. Do you know where the most sensitive part of a man's dick is? (Don't bother answering that - I already know you don't, and it's NOT the head or "glans".) Your throat does almost nothing to reach this part of a man's penis!

Just the fact that you gave him head "...for almost an hour..." speaks volumes. If you have good oral technique, this is one of the fastest ways to get a man off that there is! It's certainly a testament to your enthusiasm (a VERY good thing) and stamina (also a very good thing) but not your technique.

Tina, THIS is why he's lost interest in you! I wish he'd have been far more forthcoming about what he wanted, but all of the porn-level antics he obviously did not.


Dr. Dennis W. Neder
CEO/Executive Producer
BAM! Productions
Remington Publications
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: I lost my mind, went crazy, got in a fight with him, called him horrible names and screamed at him and said we're over, then i called him and said i was sorry. He said no worries, he didn't take it personal and took me back. I'm not sure if he's lying. I told him if i didn't please him sexually to please be open and honest with me. He said no, he was still turned on by me sexually and still wanted me.

hmm. ok.

but either way, i'm not getting him off sucking his dick. Where is the sensitive part. The tip? front, back, side, is it licking his balls? stroking hands up and down? I always put my tongue inside a man's tip of the penis for a while and lick that.

Hello again Tina!

You can't trust what he's telling you, but then, you already knew that. You couldn't control your own insecurity and went off on him when you really had no grounds to do so. The fact that he says he's ok with it means nothing. He's not. No man would be.

Think of any relationship (even this crazy one!) like a balance scale. You constantly add weight to one side or the other. The more you add on the positive side (being fun, easy going, a great sexual partner, etc., etc.) the less importance the negative side has (being crazy, being a bad sexual partner, being insecure, etc., etc.)

Right now, which side of your scale is the heaviest? Don't answer that - we already know which one it is. You've got to get control of your insecurity and heap as much value on the positive side as you possibly can. Frankly, you have no more room on the negative side and can't afford any more of these episodes.

As to good blowjob technique; I could (and should!) write a book on it. Knowing what's sensitive is a very, very long way away from having good technique however. It's one step along the way. Think back (again) to porn - have you never noticed how the girls almost NEVER bring off these guys with their mouths? The guy almost always has to jerk off for the money shot. That's for a number of reasons; not the least of which is a huge lack of technique.

While every guy is different ( every girl?) most guys are most sensitive on two main places - each with different sensations by the way - around the ridge of the head (mostly toward the underside) and on a small, nerve-filled bump about 1/2 inch from the tip on the underside. For many guys, it's enough to just stimulate that area, which is why (again) that deep-throating does almost nothing for many guys other than to look somewhat impressive (which a guy who is enjoying your work can't see anyway).

You are built exactly the same way! Think about this: where's your g-spot? Answer: likely about 1/2 inch inside your vagina - not in the back, not deep inside, but in the front. I have to explain this to guys all the time - it doesn't matter how long they are (average: 5-6 inches!) because your vagina is only about 3-4 inches long and the most important parts aren't even very deep - only about 1/2 inch in most women, or (more important) external - like the clitoris!


Dr. Dennis W. Neder
CEO/Executive Producer
BAM! Productions
Remington Publications
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”

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Dr. Dennis W. Neder


I'm able to answer any sort of question related to the approach, meeting people, dating, sex, relationships, break-ups, non-legal marriage and divorce questions, and anything in between. I've helped over 30,000 people with their individual issues. IMPORTANT: Please, PLEASE don't ask me, "what was he thinking..." or "why did he say..." types of questions! I DO NOT READ MINDS! There are 1,001 reasons why someone does what they do, says what they say or thinks what they think. If you *REALLY* want to know what they were thinking, saying or why they were acting that way - go ask them! Be sure to check out my FAQ's on my website at: You can email me directly at:


I am the author of the books "Being a Man in a Woman`s World I & II" and "1001 Places and Techniques to Meet Great Women" and 11 others. I`ve spent the last 20 years studying the art and science of every aspect of relationships, and have answered over 30,000 letters from readers all over the world. My main focus is men`s relationships with women, but I also have many female readers and answer questions for them regularly as well.

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