General Dating Questions/Crush/What to do next


QUESTION: Hello Azure Thank
you in advance for your help. So there's this girl I've been talking to for
about 2 months. We've been texting like crazy all day and night. Well we had
our first date last monday. I thought it went well. We had lunch and then she
took to  see the house she grew up in after that we went back to my place. I
showed her around she saw my violin and had me play for her afterwards we sat there and
talked. She stayed for 4 almost five hours. I was a complete gentleman the
entire time so I never tried to make any advances or put the moves on her. We
hugged I walked her to her car and gave her gas money since she drove. She asked
for another hug and then left. I texted her a few hours later thanking her for
the date and she replied thanks for listening to me bable. Tuesday I messaged to
see if she'd like to have another date that saturday. She said she's sorry but
she'll be out of town. We messaged some more and she said she didn't really feel
like talking because
she found out she was going to lose custody of her son.
She asked if she could message me when she calms down. I said yes. When I didn't
hear from her in about a week I messaged her Saturday. Here's how the
conversation went.

me- hey how are you?
her- Good how are you
me- Pretty
good. I wasn't sure if it was ok to message you or not
her- Yes... You can text
or message me whenever lol
me- Well i didn't know. The last time I talked to
you you were pretty upset
her- Im sorry
me- It's ok you've been through the
ringer lately
I was just waiting for you to message back but when almost a week
went by I got a little worried about u lol
her- I just get caught up in my head
sometimes i havnt really talked to anyone until today
me- Yeah it's cool. I do
that too sometime
quite often actually
Am I disturbing you now? If I am just
let me know. I don't want to bother you or be a nuisance.
her- Never!! You are
fine lol dont worry so much youll turn into me
me- Well I it's hard to gage
were people are somtime. Your vibe and aura are still a bit different than
her- I dont make it easy lol
me- I'm sure you don't lol
her- I had an
axiety attack the other day it could just be the fact that i am still trying to
figure it out
me- See I knew something was off whack lol.
her- Yupp i had a
breakdown and now i feel guilty to my friends who were here soo that might be
me- yeah those things suck. I'll let you in on secret that I don't tell many
people. A real secret
her- Yay!!
(For some reason she's always been trying to
get me to tell her a secret so I told her about my anxiety issues in the past. I
thought that might make feel more accepted and not so alone)
her- Im really
sorry you had to go through all that. You seem quite grounded to me i never
would have guessed that. I shake a lot not bad but just constantly but it does
get me when im angry upset or nervous. Thats kind of scary though i dont want to
be that bad at all
me- Yeah that was a really long time ago though.
totally ok now
her- Im happy you told me. It takes a lot to tell people your
secrets like that and i feel honored that you felt comfortable enough to trust
me with that
me- Lul thanks. I hope that didn't change your perception of me.
Like I don't want you to think negatively of me now. I honestly don't know why I
told you all of that. I don't know I just don't know. There's something about
you lol.
But hey I'm about to to take a shower. Is it ok if I message you
her- Yes you can message me whenever you want lol and it didnt change
anything in my mind at all
me- Also Tuesday or Wednesday which ever day works
best for you.  Lets go out for pizza? Some good company is good for the soul and
the spirit. :-)
her- Ok we can do that
me- Really that's awesome what day and
time is best for you? I'm off basically all week. I don't go back until
Thursday!!! lol
her- Im not sure really right now
me-  Oh ok well I know most
of the places open at 11 so do you want to meet around 12 on what ever day you
My schedule is really flexible and don't worry gas I can reimburse you!!
Plus I'm only like $500  away from the amount I need for a down payment!!!
Yayyy and ok 12 is fine where would we go?
me- Do you like pizza hut? And I
promise I'll have more interesting things to do once a get a car which won't be
her- Yayy and yeah
me- Awesome!!!! You wanna try for 12 on
her- Yes but dont make it entirely set in stone i have to check my
planner just in case and im not home
me- Ok oh yeah i forgot about that. How's
cedar point
her- Oh we are actually going next weekend this weekend was a
funeral frown :-(
me- I'm so sorry... This has been one hell of a week for you.
frown emoticon  The next time we I meet I will totally lift your spirits and
give you a pleasant distraction.
Cause it sure sounds like you need it.
Especially after the week you've had frown emoticon Tremendous hugs to
her-Thank you smile emoticon you are so sweet
No need to thank me
smile emoticon We're gonna have fun!!! I promise :-)

My question is do I have
a chance here or should I just move on? How should I proceed? I really like her
but the vibe just feels different now. Before our first date she would message
me telling how excited she was and how much she was looking forward to it and we
would text nonstop. all day and night and now I hardly hear from her.

ANSWER: ok, so i know you like her but you're trying a bit too hard...relax, you don't want to appear insecure/needy...also, don't rely so much on texting,or worry about it bein less; not everyone is "addicted" to it; keep in mind it's pretty limited when it comes to healthy communication; rather, try TALKING to her on occasion; the bottom line comes down to the DATE, the in person interaction; keep it simple--you like her, you ask to see her again...if she says yes and follows through with it, she must like you to some extent; until she begins refusing, i wouldn't worry alot about the meantime, cut back on initiating the texts...she knows where to find you...keep some mystery here...

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Thank you for your reply and the advice. You mentioned I'm trying to hard. That's not a good thing I know it repels women. Is there a way for me to repair this impression? You also mentioned appearing as insecure/needy is there a way for me to fix this impression as well? Also about the date. Should I check with her sometime tomorrow to confirm that we are still meeting on Wednesday? When I mentioned it she said yes but don't set in in stone. I don't think that's a definitive answer. Am I supposed to confirm it?

definitely confirm tomorrow; as for the rest,it's a state of mind, an attitude;  stay have alot to offer, if she passes, it's HER loss; as i said, cut back on the texting, especially now, because you still don't have a date locked up; so, call her..if no answer, leave msg asking her to call back as to wednesday...if she doesn't, forget her..

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Over 20 years personal experience in dating, including both short and long-term relationships.Thoughtful reflection and analysis upon same, as well as providing imput relating to issues of love and romance to friends and acquaintances.

BA, Psychology, Bates College, Lewiston, Me. Graduate study at Fordham University School of Social Work.

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