You are here:

General Dating Questions/Don't really know where to go from here

Advertisement


Question
Hi Dr.Nedder. Wanted to ask as the subject states where do i go from here. Im a 27 year old guy.

in 2006 i met this girl, Christabel, and fell in love at first sight. she was amazing as a woman. well during our 6 year relationship, I used to work alot trying to get money and stuff and because i didnt notice what was going on, she started meeting new people and eventually one of them made the move. I put it behind me and continued on until she actually later on had a 6 month relationship with a guy behind my back. long story short i forgave her and we moved on still trying to cope with what happened. eventually we parted ways. later on was in a relationship with someone else and Christabel was again part of my life as friends. or so i thought.

I (and not proud to say at all) started cheating on my new girl with Christabel as i couldnt get her out of my mind. We got caught and i ended up single again and Christabel was again a friend. Had 2 failed relationships with other people with Christabel as a friend in the background and after them, it came complicated.

We started seeing each other like 3 to 4 times a week. I used to pass for her at her house at about 10pm and shell come at my house. We'd eat, see movies or episodes but there was nothing sexual or relationship wise going on. Slowly all the feelings i tried to push down for her, just started popping up.

Well which leads to about 2 weeks ago. atm im working as a caterer part time till my back heals (had a small operation) and Christabel's cousin was gonna get married. I got the date from my boss and told her that i might see her there since ill be working that night. She started begging me and crying not to go. I told her i need the money since i had a car loan still and my car needed repair.

Well to make her happy i canceled the date and got so mad that i didnt txt her for about 2 weeks. She didnt txt either to see whats going on. I lost my job due to canceling on a wedding and ended up getting raged (2 days before the wedding) and told her through txt that i dont want to ever see her and hear from her ever again. yesterday was the wedding and since im friends on facebook with her brother he uploaded a couple of photos and curiosity killed me.

There she was and next to her was the partner she didnt want me to see hence why she begged me not to come. If it was any partner i wouldnt have gotten angry, i just would have shoved down my emotions and wish them well. but the guy she was with was the same guy early on she dated (not the one she cheated on me with) and treated her like shit. I remember even once she called me on my birthday crying cos she was running away from him.

Anyway now i canceled everything related to her. Facebook, deleted my emails, and deleted photos. even trashed her gifts cos i couldnt even look at them. Now, I still love her. she means the world to me in a weird way. I tried getting her out of my mind but still she kinda haunts me. I dont know what to do now. where do i go from here? txt her back and see how she is? or just move on in my life? And if so how after all this time?

Thanks in advance

Answer
Hello Karmenu!

This has been going on way too long - and what do you have to show for it? You're sitting there hurting like hell and she's off with someone who mistreats her and likely not even giving two shits about you and how you feel.

Karmenu! Stop this madness right now! The only reason you're going through this is because you refuse to let go and move on. Getting rid of her contact information and gifts was an excellent step. You need to purge anything about her that draws you back in - but that includes what's in your head as well.

At this point it's no longer "love". It's addiction. To break that addiction you're best off to replace it with another. That means you need to get out there and meet some new women. You need to start finding her replacement right away. Focus all your energy on this - and not at all on her. Don't contact her! See her as something unhealthy from your past (which it is!) and start looking toward your future.

You deserve far better than the treatment you've gotten from her. The problem now is getting you to believe it.

Regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
CEO/Executive Producer
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
BAM! Productions
Remington Publications
323.638.4145
http://beingaman.com
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”

General Dating Questions

All Answers


Answers by Expert:


Ask Experts

Volunteer


Dr. Dennis W. Neder

Expertise

I'm able to answer any sort of question related to the approach, meeting people, dating, sex, relationships, break-ups, non-legal marriage and divorce questions, and anything in between. I've helped over 30,000 people with their individual issues. IMPORTANT: Please, PLEASE don't ask me, "what was he thinking..." or "why did he say..." types of questions! I DO NOT READ MINDS! There are 1,001 reasons why someone does what they do, says what they say or thinks what they think. If you *REALLY* want to know what they were thinking, saying or why they were acting that way - go ask them! Be sure to check out my FAQ's on my website at: http://beingaman.com. You can email me directly at: dwneder@beingaman.com.

Experience

I am the author of the books "Being a Man in a Woman`s World I & II" and "1001 Places and Techniques to Meet Great Women" and 11 others. I`ve spent the last 20 years studying the art and science of every aspect of relationships, and have answered over 30,000 letters from readers all over the world. My main focus is men`s relationships with women, but I also have many female readers and answer questions for them regularly as well.

Education/Credentials
Doctor of Philosophy

©2016 About.com. All rights reserved.