General Dating Questions/First date!

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QUESTION: Hello Dr, how're you?
I have recently come to the US ( I am from Iran ; I talked to you before; I really appreciate your thoughtful replies); still, I am not very familiar with US dating norms. This is my first date with an American girl. Actually , I am going to have my first date with this girl who I have met on-line. Our fist date is going to be in a park. Turning to my questions:
1-Am I supposed to extend my hand first when we have our first face-face meeting?
2-Do you think handshake would be better than hug when meeting her in person for the first time?
3-Also, at the END of the date handshake would be nice? Or should I go for a kiss on the cheek or hug? should I ask her indirectly what she prefers ?

Thanks,

ANSWER: Hello!

Welcome to the US!

We are generally more personal in dating. Let's face it, everyone here knows what you're meeting for - and this isn't a business function. Shaking hands is what business people do. Others (friends, family and even first-time daters) hug.

Now, here's the interesting thing: it's not likely your date will know much about how dating works in Iran (which itself has changed dramatically over the last 30 years!) Thus, there's no real "normal" between you. It's all discovery at this point.

When you see the girl walk right up, make eye contact and give her a nice smile. Open your arms and give her a short, but warm hug. Whatever you do, don't shake her hand however.

You also never want to ask permission for these things. Someone here has to set the direction and that "someone" is you.

As to kissing her I believe it's always best, but you have to consider how well the date went. Do you like this girl after getting to know her? Do you find that you want to know more about her and to share more about you? Do you think she feels the same way? If so you can certainly kiss her! In fact, if things go very well you absolutely should!

I'm not trying to add pressure here to what is already an unfamiliar, sometimes stressful situation, but ultimately, this is a dance. You have to coordinate things based on where you feel they are going and to lead them there.

Regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
CEO/Executive Producer
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
BAM! Productions
Remington Publications
323.638.4145
http://beingaman.com
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Thanks for your thoughtful reply; I will rate it as 10!
I got the point. As for touching, if things go well, touching her hair and complimenting on how beautiful her hair is would be a good idea? Actually, one thing I like most about her photo is her beautiful hair.

I will let my friend know about you and your thoughtful replies!

Answer
Hello again!

Avoid these types of compliments. If you must, comment on something she's done or said. Those are things that are about her - not the luck of the draw in her genetics. At the very most you could say something like "That hairstyle really compliments your face", but still, I'd avoid it.

Regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
CEO/Executive Producer
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
BAM! Productions
Remington Publications
323.638.4145
http://beingaman.com
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”

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Dr. Dennis W. Neder

Expertise

I'm able to answer any sort of question related to the approach, meeting people, dating, sex, relationships, break-ups, non-legal marriage and divorce questions, and anything in between. I've helped over 30,000 people with their individual issues. IMPORTANT: Please, PLEASE don't ask me, "what was he thinking..." or "why did he say..." types of questions! I DO NOT READ MINDS! There are 1,001 reasons why someone does what they do, says what they say or thinks what they think. If you *REALLY* want to know what they were thinking, saying or why they were acting that way - go ask them! Be sure to check out my FAQ's on my website at: http://beingaman.com. You can email me directly at: dwneder@beingaman.com.

Experience

I am the author of the books "Being a Man in a Woman`s World I & II" and "1001 Places and Techniques to Meet Great Women" and 11 others. I`ve spent the last 20 years studying the art and science of every aspect of relationships, and have answered over 30,000 letters from readers all over the world. My main focus is men`s relationships with women, but I also have many female readers and answer questions for them regularly as well.

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Doctor of Philosophy

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