General Dating Questions/long distance


Hi Dr Neder

What is throwing me is, on the date he was watching every move I was doing. First to say, he enjoy how chilled & relaxed the night was going.Slept in the same room but nothing else,he wanted to do more. But we just met & he respected that. I thinking going by his behaviour( seemed disappointed or in bad form) the next day, he might of thought I didn't fancy him enough. When chatting away to one another before leaving the place we stayed at. We talked ended up talking about accidents, both of us are Irish. But Irish accidents can be stranger or not so much, depending on where in Dublin your from. He's was stranger then mine, but anyway, he past a remark about mine. Which I replied " well there was a guy I worked with, thought I was from Cork" To which he replied " he was probably coming onto you".

I said, "No, no he's gay". And that is when he says to me & really meant it "You could turn him" Wasn't expecting such a nice remark like that, it wasn't that he was looking for anything, genuinely meant it. On the way home in his car,he dropping me home 1st . He said, I know you don't regret last night & I know I don't.He wanted me to know, (kindly said) he would of slept with me. At some point I then told him I just didn't come prepared & with that, told him & thought I should & not at a later stage. And thinking back now, but didn't at the time I should of told him. Thought it might scare him of because of my age (in my 30s) It was right, so it wasn't that I wasn't interested in him. It was just I didn't have much (virgin, it's important to me to find the right guy) experience & he'd be the first guy I've gone all the away with. Which through him, was shocked but said, he respected that, but I could just imagine. If his friends or family heard that, probably think badly of me, he met a girl on a dating site in her 30's & still a virgin, would sound very odd & wired in this day in age. I'm not at all religious but didn't want to go with any guy in you find in a bar.

All was well days after, once or twice got texts apologising because work had him really busy. Which it does, he works really hard & even when he gets home. The break up text days afer said, he doesn't have time to date & he has to much going on at home. His granddad was very ill & he was back and forth to the hospital, & visting his dad because of the bad news. Next text said, I should go back online & date more guys. He's just not ready (7 months out of a 5 year relationship & had to move home) & it wouldn't be fare to lead you on. But glady stay in contact & friends if I wanted to, two days after. Got a drunken text in 4 in the morning " Are you in yr stockings  mmmm" & replied I laughed said no etc...To which he texted back. "I'm out with my uncle & brother having a few drinks, I want you in your stockings". Next day sent a text " sorry about the texted last night had a few on me, was out with my uncle & brother". Of I said "no worries, have new stockings, lovely". He might of thought I didn't care of getting such a texted from him, I brushed it of.

Q: I got that kind of texted from him, not the girl he had the 5 years relationship( that wasn't ready to move on from)  with, what do you think that? I got that texted & not her instead?? odd that..

Q: Saying all good things mentioned above, that was very sincere  & then, the complete opposite, came so easily to him in calling it of. If he wasn't showing so much interested. I would understand it coming so easily but we got on brilliantly. What's that about, very puzzled in changing behaviour.

Really appreciate your time & your great feedback,Dennis

Yo! Julie-Ann!

In the future, if you write to me, please include all previous messages. I get a TON of these every single day and can't possibly keep the details straight.

To your questions:

Regarding his text - I don't know. I can't say "what I think about it". I know nothing other than the very few bits you've told me. Keep in mind that he was drunk.

As I've said many times, I simply don't read minds. Do you honestly believe that there's some guide book that details every single thing a man can do - and that all men behave in exactly that same way every time? Do women do that?


Dr. Dennis W. Neder
CEO/Executive Producer
BAM! Productions
Remington Publications
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”

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Dr. Dennis W. Neder


I'm able to answer any sort of question related to the approach, meeting people, dating, sex, relationships, break-ups, non-legal marriage and divorce questions, and anything in between. I've helped over 30,000 people with their individual issues. IMPORTANT: Please, PLEASE don't ask me, "what was he thinking..." or "why did he say..." types of questions! I DO NOT READ MINDS! There are 1,001 reasons why someone does what they do, says what they say or thinks what they think. If you *REALLY* want to know what they were thinking, saying or why they were acting that way - go ask them! Be sure to check out my FAQ's on my website at: You can email me directly at:


I am the author of the books "Being a Man in a Woman`s World I & II" and "1001 Places and Techniques to Meet Great Women" and 11 others. I`ve spent the last 20 years studying the art and science of every aspect of relationships, and have answered over 30,000 letters from readers all over the world. My main focus is men`s relationships with women, but I also have many female readers and answer questions for them regularly as well.

Doctor of Philosophy

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