Question Hi. Six years ago I was going through a divorce and met an incedible guy. We dated for a brief time but it didn't work out. We stayed friends and over the years our friendship grew and strengthened. We both met other people eventually and would lose contact from time to time but would always check in with one another every few months. No matter where my life took me during those six years I could never fully shake him. He was in my heart and I didn't want to let him go. Four months ago we found one another again and our friendship grew even more. We were both single, both lonely and we found ourselves trying to rekindle our relationship, but, again, it didn't work out. And like before, we stayed friends. Only this time our friendship felt unbreakable. In the past few months I have spent a lot of time with him and I have without a doubt fallen head over heels, no turning back in love with him. Two weeks ago him and I both were in a bind financially and because I needed somewhere to call home and he needed help with bills he asked me to move in with him. I agreed. Neither of us have spoken that we are a couple, he says that he isn't ready to start a relationship. But, now we are sharing a home and a bed and our lives. Almost instantly when I moved in everything became "ours" and "we" and "us", as if we are a team. Although that is what I want so badly, to be with him, I don't know what's going on here. I'm so confused. I talked with him about it, but I don't feel that anything was resolved. He simply said that he was just going with the flow. I'm not a go with the flow kind of person, I need structure and certainty or else I will make myself insane trying to figure it out! And I think that's what is happening! Please help me by giving me some insight or advice or even an outsider's point of view! Thank you very much for your time. Have a wonderful day!
Answer ok, basically this is 2 "friends" living together and having sex; it "didn't work out" before because the guy isn't in love with you, never will be, and isn't interested in a fully committed, romantic relationship...he just can't come out and say it because he doesn't want to lose this convenient arrangement; if you want or need more than this, you should consider ending it, otherwise it will become even more difficult emotionally; if you were emotionally "neutral", you could live there as strictly non-sexual friends and see other people, but since you're too involved, only starting anew somewhere else makes sense...
expertise: over 7000 questions answered...B.A. Psychology Bates College;graduate study, Fordham Univ. School Social Work; technical editor, "dating for dummies", 2d edition, by dr joy browne; thoughtful consideration of your question, then insightful advice about love,romance and related issues given in an objective, non-judgmental manner...over 20 years of personal experience in both short and long term relationships...longer term consultations are available upon request...life experience: personal involvement in many relationships where issues of love, sex, intimacy, trust, etc., had to be dealt with and resolved...just having "experiences", however, isn`t enough...it`s the thoughtful reflection upon and analysis of what happened and why, that leads to learning and enlightenment...so tell me what`s on your mind and i`ll try to help, or tell you if i can`t...thanks
Over 20 years personal experience in dating, including both short and long-term relationships.Thoughtful reflection and analysis upon same, as well as providing imput relating to issues of love and romance to friends and acquaintances.
BA, Psychology, Bates College, Lewiston, Me. Graduate study at Fordham University School of Social Work.
Life experience can really be the only teacher in this area; however going through the experience is not enough. What is necessary is a real awareness, sensitivity to, and reflection upon what has happened, what has been lost, what has been gained. Getting beyond one's own insecurities and subjectivities, and seeing the experience in the context of the bigger picture, are essential stepping stones to learning and loving...ps..azure announces CT matchmaking service..for more, go to wishuponastar-ct.com