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General Dating Questions/How to go about being friends after a short term relationship


Hello,i am a 23 year old woman who happened to start dating a guy that I known from high school. After a month of getting to know each other he decided to go into a relationship with me, but then a month later he realized that things moved too fast and he couldn't be the man I wanted him to be at the time. In his own words, he just did not have his shit together for me and felt it would be selfish to drag me along in the relationship if he felt that way. I cried very bad for 3 days because it was so abrupt and too soon, but he had to do what's best for him and I appreciate him for looking out for my best interest as well. Yesterday we met up and talked about it and I cried,but eventually felt better ssince we talked and got more of a clear understanding. Well, by the time it was for him to take me home I exploded in bouts of crying again because "just friends" wouldn't sit right me. Him and I have so much in common. We seemed like the ideal couple. I told him I need a lloy of space to determined a friendship because he does not want the friendship that will eventually build into a relationship right now. He wants the just friendship and does not know when will he be ready. I hate to date other people because he treats me very well and it'll hurt Him if I date other men. He told me he doesn't want me to but it'll be selfish if he does not allow me too. He then explained that he was sorry and thought he was ready for a relationship when he ask for my number. I also agreed with him that calling it official at a month of talking was too soon. I want to take a break for a week or so from talking with Him just to clear my head and figure out what I Should do. I also might ask him is it possible that our friendship will lead to a friendship building into something more as time goes on. Can you offer advice as to what I should do??

Hello Ardent!

Actually, the answer is pretty simple.

Why do you think that you only deserve a friendship with him until he's ready for more? Don't YOU deserve more? Don't YOU have a say in things here? What about your needs?

It seems to me he wants to keep you on a hook until - and if - he decides he wants something with you. That "something" is something he already had and threw away! You're afraid you're going to lose him but he doesn't really care if he loses you!

Do you see the problem here? If you settle for some scraps that someone throws on the ground for you, why would they ever want to be with you and give you more? Answer: they won't.

This is the time to regroup, heal-up, realize you DO deserve more and go find that person who can/will give it to you. Don't settle for scraps. Go get what you want - and deserve - and don't hold out hoping, waiting and begging.


Dr. Dennis W. Neder
CEO/Executive Producer
BAM! Productions
Remington Publications
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”

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Dr. Dennis W. Neder


I'm able to answer any sort of question related to the approach, meeting people, dating, sex, relationships, break-ups, non-legal marriage and divorce questions, and anything in between. I've helped over 30,000 people with their individual issues. IMPORTANT: Please, PLEASE don't ask me, "what was he thinking..." or "why did he say..." types of questions! I DO NOT READ MINDS! There are 1,001 reasons why someone does what they do, says what they say or thinks what they think. If you *REALLY* want to know what they were thinking, saying or why they were acting that way - go ask them! Be sure to check out my FAQ's on my website at: You can email me directly at:


I am the author of the books "Being a Man in a Woman`s World I & II" and "1001 Places and Techniques to Meet Great Women" and 11 others. I`ve spent the last 20 years studying the art and science of every aspect of relationships, and have answered over 30,000 letters from readers all over the world. My main focus is men`s relationships with women, but I also have many female readers and answer questions for them regularly as well.

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