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General Dating Questions/coworker kindness or flirting


Hi Dr Dennis,Thank you for your time.
My question is in regards to a male married co worker and whether he is trying to flirt with me or just being kind?
We have worked together for 4yrs, in the first year or so I was shy of him and I avoided working with him if I could...he is a senior colleague, assertive,10+yrs older and powerful...which i found intimidating!
What changed was I "noticed" him! the reason i noticed him is that he used kind words towards me during stressful times at work, oneday he decorated my work area with balloons, another time he gave me ethnic items to decorate my work area (I enjoy creative things around my personal work space).
At the time I received the gifts it was unexpected and I did not know if he was being kind or flirting? But I definitely became aware of him! over the last two years he has continued to compliment me on a professional level, i have caught him staring at me, but he doesn't look away,i do as i become uncomfortable, he looks really pleased to see if his smile radiates into his eyes, he tease me, jokes with men and is chivalrous. He approaches me for conversations unrelated to work, by the way Im not ignoring his kindness as I chat with him, thank him and will start conversations with him.
He knows im married, so is this kind gestures...or a married man trying to see where it goes?

Hello Elles!

From your description it's difficult to gauge whether it's flirting or not. In general, flirting takes a more intimate, personal direction but not everyone flirts in the same way.

He's obviously aware of you and frankly, that's all you need to turn it into something more but you need to consider what you really want here. Is it just an ego boost or is it something else? Why? Further, what does all of this have to do with your work environment?


Dr. Dennis W. Neder
CEO/Executive Producer
BAM! Productions
Remington Publications
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”

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Dr. Dennis W. Neder


I'm able to answer any sort of question related to the approach, meeting people, dating, sex, relationships, break-ups, non-legal marriage and divorce questions, and anything in between. I've helped over 30,000 people with their individual issues. IMPORTANT: Please, PLEASE don't ask me, "what was he thinking..." or "why did he say..." types of questions! I DO NOT READ MINDS! There are 1,001 reasons why someone does what they do, says what they say or thinks what they think. If you *REALLY* want to know what they were thinking, saying or why they were acting that way - go ask them! Be sure to check out my FAQ's on my website at: You can email me directly at:


I am the author of the books "Being a Man in a Woman`s World I & II" and "1001 Places and Techniques to Meet Great Women" and 11 others. I`ve spent the last 20 years studying the art and science of every aspect of relationships, and have answered over 30,000 letters from readers all over the world. My main focus is men`s relationships with women, but I also have many female readers and answer questions for them regularly as well.

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