General Dating Questions/Kids

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Question
Is it frowned upon by women whether or not they have kids if a guy doesn't want to date women with kids? Had a heated debate with one woman that ended on the topic of abortion so I have an idea of how she feels. I noticed there are no women experts in the general dating category. How curious.

Answer
Hello James!

"Frowned upon" isn't really the correct phrase.

Keep in mind that women; and single mothers in particular, are something of a protected species. Most of us love our mothers so we tend to hold all mothers in high esteem, but in fact, I think someone needs to see this for what it really is.

Most people believe that women who go it alone to raise their kids are "brave" and "amazing" (since we all know that raising children is very difficult). But, this also makes assumptions about why she's a single mother. The assumption is that some guy got her pregnant (as though she had nothing to do with it) and then just dumped her like the lout he is. The reality is the vast, VAST majority of cases is far less flattering.

First, there are far more birth control options for women than for men. Even then, ultimately, women control every aspect of the pregnancy and birth. Even a married father has absolutely no say in whether the birth happens or not. This is entirely the woman's choice.

Our culture showers attention, gifts and praise on new mothers, so the motivation is to become that mother - regardless of whether the father is there or not. Then, we extol the "bravery" and "strength" labels as a right to these women never once realizing the far more likely truth: that she either left the father (by far the more common situation) or she simply couldn't keep him around.

Either way; ultimately, the single mother choose this guy to be the father of her child. Again, with all this considered, being a single mother is rarely about strength or bravery or being amazing or anything else.

What this means is that; since most women want you to buy into the belief that single mothers are somehow special (when in fact, it's really all about just having function sex organs) if you don't, somehow you're callous or ignorant or that you "hate woman", etc.

A further reality is that very few men want to date women with kids for a very large number of reasons. Ultimately, it rarely works out in men's favor and he usually winds up being second (or third or fourth...) seat in the game.

I've written a great deal about this topic and I encourage you to check my website: (http://beingaman.com) for articles on this.

Regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
CEO/Executive Producer
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BAM! Productions
Remington Publications
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http://beingaman.com
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”

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Dr. Dennis W. Neder

Expertise

I'm able to answer any sort of question related to the approach, meeting people, dating, sex, relationships, break-ups, non-legal marriage and divorce questions, and anything in between. I've helped over 30,000 people with their individual issues. IMPORTANT: Please, PLEASE don't ask me, "what was he thinking..." or "why did he say..." types of questions! I DO NOT READ MINDS! There are 1,001 reasons why someone does what they do, says what they say or thinks what they think. If you *REALLY* want to know what they were thinking, saying or why they were acting that way - go ask them! Be sure to check out my FAQ's on my website at: http://beingaman.com. You can email me directly at: dwneder@beingaman.com.

Experience

I am the author of the books "Being a Man in a Woman`s World I & II" and "1001 Places and Techniques to Meet Great Women" and 11 others. I`ve spent the last 20 years studying the art and science of every aspect of relationships, and have answered over 30,000 letters from readers all over the world. My main focus is men`s relationships with women, but I also have many female readers and answer questions for them regularly as well.

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Doctor of Philosophy

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