General Dating Questions/online dating


I am a 52 yr old female, have been divorced for 4 years. I left my ex husband walking out with nothing and moved to a new area and a self reliant person working as a nurse.  6 months ago decided to try internet dating to find a partner. I have dated 5 men. One man I felt a connection with. Unfortunately, I have been getting mixed messages for example his words do not match his actions. He says he wants a relationship to share similar interests but we have only go to his place or mine and spend the time having sex as he always has an excuse to leave or have something on to cut it short. He also got angry very auick over a joke. He actually swore at me smsing me to $#& off. I felt very sad and upset. I left it at that and moved on. Then he contacted me on the dating site again asking me to come and see him at his house. Of course it was physical again and I didn't try to find out what was happening between us worried about him getting angry. I decided while he was saying he had things to do.

This is not what I want and I feel like crap. To me he's acting like a teenager and seems to be online most of the time. I already know the answer to question is he right for me? And tge answer is no! But I'm hoping you can help me understand this whole internet dating thing. There are 100s of guys to choose from but none are suitable. Most want casual sex and I would rather not waste my time if that is what it's about.

I would greatly appreciate your take on helping me put it into perspective.

Hello Kim!

Well, maybe he's right for you at this very moment, but not long-term. Leaving a marriage takes a lot out of someone and getting back into the game is tough. At least you've done something - taken a step.

Here's something you may not understand about men: yes, we all want casual sex, but most every man I talk to also wants a relationship. It's via the sex however that we go through the process of determining if that woman is our relationship-girl or not.

I'm proud of you for getting to sex early with a guy. I'm not saying to jump into bed with every guy you meet on a first date, but on the other hand, it needs to happen soon so you both can determine if it's something you want long-term. For men however it's different than for women - we don't know if you're that long-term partner until after we've had sex with you.

So, the key is to keep looking and to find the guy who is the right fit. I'm concerned that you're going to "hundreds" and not finding anyone suitable. That tells me your expectations may be unreasonable. That's the first place to take a good look.


Dr. Dennis W. Neder
CEO/Executive Producer
BAM! Productions
Remington Publications
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”

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Dr. Dennis W. Neder


I'm able to answer any sort of question related to the approach, meeting people, dating, sex, relationships, break-ups, non-legal marriage and divorce questions, and anything in between. I've helped over 30,000 people with their individual issues. IMPORTANT: Please, PLEASE don't ask me, "what was he thinking..." or "why did he say..." types of questions! I DO NOT READ MINDS! There are 1,001 reasons why someone does what they do, says what they say or thinks what they think. If you *REALLY* want to know what they were thinking, saying or why they were acting that way - go ask them! Be sure to check out my FAQ's on my website at: You can email me directly at:


I am the author of the books "Being a Man in a Woman`s World I & II" and "1001 Places and Techniques to Meet Great Women" and 11 others. I`ve spent the last 20 years studying the art and science of every aspect of relationships, and have answered over 30,000 letters from readers all over the world. My main focus is men`s relationships with women, but I also have many female readers and answer questions for them regularly as well.

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