General Dating Questions/Argument

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Question
Hi! I am a 36 year old female and I dated a 31 year old male for a year. We got along great and were so in love, he even proposed me 4 months ago if I want to get married. Last few months I wasn't feeling good in that relationship and I had a health problems also with my lower back (I had a surgery 4 years ago), but the biggest issue between us was that I found him a little immature for his age (he still lives with his mom and he doesn't own or drive a car, marihuana issues..) and I was telling him that all the time. We had a argument a month ago. I wasn't feeling well and he didn't behave like someone who really cares for my health cause he said to me I act like an old lady and he was dissaponted I didn't wear that day his favourite thights. And I told him that he is immature and that I don't have (at my age) time to lose. He was angry and he said we will talk later but he never called. So, a month passed and I miss him so much but I think he should call first cause I wasn't feeling well at that moment we had a fight. Now I don't know what should I do. We had similar argument before (November 2015) and I contacted him first after one month. But now I don't know if I better off without him because he is immature or can I do something about that. I read somewhere that biologicaly girls are looking for a guys that can provide for them and they offspring. I am not that into materialistic stuff but I feel funny driving him around and pleasing him. I have my apartment and my car and I expect at least someone who is mature enough to have some drive to earn money and learn and grow. He has a job in IT but he is only interested in gym and sex. Am I asking too much? So, what should I do?

Answer
Hello Tatjana!

First, some realities:

Today, it's not really that unusual for people to be living back with their parents. That doesn't make it a good choice, but it's not uncommon.

The vast majority of women I talk to who are happy in their relationships spend their time trying to make their partner's happy. That doesn't mean it can't be reciprocal but it needs to be a priority for most women.

You aren't going to change a man or make him grow up. He has to do that. If effect, you tried to scare him by leaving and not contacting him. It didn't work and he called your bluff. Now, you're there missing him, hurt and unhappy. This is NEVER a good strategy! Couples work problems out together. They don't seek to punish the other person.

Finally, his lack of concern with your health issues is another thing you're not going to change in him. That's a problem. From your description, he seems pretty self-absorbed. What happens if you get sick again? Don't count on him being around to help you.

So, what exactly are you drawn to here? Is it that he goes to the gym and gives you great sex? If that's enough, then this guy is perfect for you. If not, you need to start looking for someone else who is. It appears that's all this guy has to offer you.

Regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
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Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”

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Dr. Dennis W. Neder

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I'm able to answer any sort of question related to the approach, meeting people, dating, sex, relationships, break-ups, non-legal marriage and divorce questions, and anything in between. I've helped over 30,000 people with their individual issues. IMPORTANT: Please, PLEASE don't ask me, "what was he thinking..." or "why did he say..." types of questions! I DO NOT READ MINDS! There are 1,001 reasons why someone does what they do, says what they say or thinks what they think. If you *REALLY* want to know what they were thinking, saying or why they were acting that way - go ask them! Be sure to check out my FAQ's on my website at: http://beingaman.com. You can email me directly at: dwneder@beingaman.com.

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I am the author of the books "Being a Man in a Woman`s World I & II" and "1001 Places and Techniques to Meet Great Women" and 11 others. I`ve spent the last 20 years studying the art and science of every aspect of relationships, and have answered over 30,000 letters from readers all over the world. My main focus is men`s relationships with women, but I also have many female readers and answer questions for them regularly as well.

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Doctor of Philosophy

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