General Dating Questions/What can I do


QUESTION: >I was in a relationship since May 2015. We are 35 years old couple. We had good relationship full of love and understanding. He is very emotional and sometimes I felt suffocated by his emotions. That's the main reason we had a fight in May 2016. He backed up and never called because he felt hurt by me. I called him first after a month and we met. At first he seemed angry and hurt but he wanted to know why I want to be in relationship with him, he asked me do I think things that bothered me changed? He asked me some serious questions about our future, children and marriage. As the evening went on he asked me for some time to think about it all. I called him after a week and I said I miss him. He again wanted to know did some things that bothered me changed. We talked for an hour and agreed to meet soon. Again we met and now things seem more clear. He told me that he is afraid he will be hurt again by me leaving him. He said he was hurt and he buried himself in work and now he realized he has deadlines he can't meet and at the same time he is afraid of our relationship, if he gives me another chance that we will break up again for the same reasons. He has some abandonment issues I didn't know before and I think he maybe has anxious depressive disorder also. But we talked a lot and I said to him I want to give us another chance especially now I know what his issues are. I said I love him and I never wanted to break up, I only wanted to take some time to think. He asked me for some more time to think about it all and he said he loves me still. I decided to give him more time. In he meantime I sent him message for his birthday and he said he will call me to meet. But few days after that I was totally irrational and heartbroken so I sent him message where I say I can't wait anymore, that I love him and I will never leave him and if he loves me still I beg him to give us another chance. He replied that he is in a dark place right now, he loves me and that was never questionable but he doesn't feel well and he is affraid if he goes back in a relationship with me feeling like he feels right now he will hurt me. And he said he can't ask me for more time cause I said I can't wait anymore and he doesn't deserve more time.. I asked him if we can meet and he said ofcourse. But he was not feeling well that day we arranged meeting and he said we should meet some other day. Right now I decided to give him some time and maybe contact him in a month if he doesn't contact me first. But I am soo sad and heartbroken. I had a tough year and I feel like my other problems ruined my relationship. I don't even know what should I do and how can I approach him?

ANSWER: so now it's up to HIM to take the lead, whether it be just to communicate, to see each other, or more; i suggest you wait for him to contact YOU, then suggest just getting together a few times without needing to discuss anything, instead just having a nice time; once you can accomplish that, then perhaps you can talk about the future; if you don't hear from him soon, start meeting/dating others---life is too short to wait on a dream..

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QUESTION: Thank you! How long should I wait? Month? 2 months?

actually, i wouldn't wait at all...if he thinks you're gonna just sit around, you have to show him that's not how it works; he needs to realize that he can take all the time he wants, but the consequence is that he risks losing you completely; no one is worth giving up all your self-esteem for, and it appears this guy isn't really all that interested..

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expertise: over 7000 questions answered...B.A. Psychology Bates College;graduate study, Fordham Univ. School Social Work; technical editor, "dating for dummies", 2d edition, by dr joy browne; thoughtful consideration of your question, then insightful advice about love,romance and related issues given in an objective, non-judgmental manner...over 20 years of personal experience in both short and long term relationships...longer term consultations are available upon experience: personal involvement in many relationships where issues of love, sex, intimacy, trust, etc., had to be dealt with and resolved...just having "experiences", however, isn`t`s the thoughtful reflection upon and analysis of what happened and why, that leads to learning and tell me what`s on your mind and i`ll try to help, or tell you if i can`t...thanks


Over 20 years personal experience in dating, including both short and long-term relationships.Thoughtful reflection and analysis upon same, as well as providing imput relating to issues of love and romance to friends and acquaintances.

BA, Psychology, Bates College, Lewiston, Me. Graduate study at Fordham University School of Social Work.

Life experience can really be the only teacher in this area; however going through the experience is not enough. What is necessary is a real awareness, sensitivity to, and reflection upon what has happened, what has been lost, what has been gained. Getting beyond one's own insecurities and subjectivities, and seeing the experience in the context of the bigger picture, are essential stepping stones to learning and announces CT matchmaking service..for more, go to

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