General Dating Questions/Infuriating Boyfriend


QUESTION: As a 41 year old woman,  I never thought I'd be looking for dating advice but,  here I am.  The guy I'm dating has been separated for a year.  About a month in (we've kind of been together for six months) he told me he loved me at the end of a phone call.  I was caught completely off guard and thought it may have been accidental so I ignored it.  Two months later,  he ended things but kept in contact.  He told me he didn't think I was in the same place he was and didn't want a friends with benefits type of relationship.  I finally told him how I felt.  Making myself completely vulnerable,  I told him I loved him.  We decided to get back together and "slow things down". Whenever we are in an intimate setting,  he'll ask me what I'm thinking... Or something like that and not stop pushing until I tell him... Which is always that I love him.  It's like he wants and needs me to say it but he won't say it back.  Not since the phone utterance.  He told me he really likes me and it will come.  Beyond him not saying the words,  no one in his family know he is dating (and his wife left him)... He has adult children.  However,  some of his friends do know about me.  Am I completely off base needing to hear I love you at this point? I feel he forced me into a very vulnerable place only for him to pull away and it's driving me crazy!

Thanks for your insight.

ANSWER: so ask him how he feels about you, as well as evaluating whether he exhibits loving actions in his behavior toward you; if his words and his behavior doesn't meet your expectations, look elsewhere..

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: His actions say one thing.  He goes out of his way and does little things that prove he cares about me.  When we talked about it,  I got the "It will come" response.

Anyhow,  thank you for your response.

so, depends what your goal is...if you want to live together/get married, sooner than later, you might want to inform him; if you're content with just dating for now, and he makes you happy, then just continue, but i'd stop telling him you love him when it's not reciprocated.  

General Dating Questions

All Answers

Answers by Expert:

Ask Experts




expertise: over 7000 questions answered...B.A. Psychology Bates College;graduate study, Fordham Univ. School Social Work; technical editor, "dating for dummies", 2d edition, by dr joy browne; thoughtful consideration of your question, then insightful advice about love,romance and related issues given in an objective, non-judgmental manner...over 20 years of personal experience in both short and long term relationships...longer term consultations are available upon experience: personal involvement in many relationships where issues of love, sex, intimacy, trust, etc., had to be dealt with and resolved...just having "experiences", however, isn`t`s the thoughtful reflection upon and analysis of what happened and why, that leads to learning and tell me what`s on your mind and i`ll try to help, or tell you if i can`t...thanks


Over 20 years personal experience in dating, including both short and long-term relationships.Thoughtful reflection and analysis upon same, as well as providing imput relating to issues of love and romance to friends and acquaintances.

BA, Psychology, Bates College, Lewiston, Me. Graduate study at Fordham University School of Social Work.

Life experience can really be the only teacher in this area; however going through the experience is not enough. What is necessary is a real awareness, sensitivity to, and reflection upon what has happened, what has been lost, what has been gained. Getting beyond one's own insecurities and subjectivities, and seeing the experience in the context of the bigger picture, are essential stepping stones to learning and announces CT matchmaking service..for more, go to

see above..

©2017 All rights reserved.