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General Dating Questions/He thinks he is incompitent


I recently became sexually active with my significant other. We both have little to no experience, so it is a bit clumsy and not at all smooth, which is to be expected at first. He just gets so caught up in trying to do really well that he gets pretty nervous and sometimes a bit frustrated with himself,  constantly apologizing or cursing himself. It isn't perfect. Neither of us are the best at sex yet, I'm just not sure how to spice it up, remove some of the stress in a way other than reasuring him that he is doing fine (as that has failed), and how to make sleeping together less of a challenge he undertakes to prove himself and instead more of a relaxed intimate moment like it should be.

take the focus off of intercourse....for now, just do give and take massages, use hands to satisfy each other, then move to oral; don't even attempt intercourse --hopefully it will one day just happen naturally; you didn't really say what his issue is specifically....

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expertise: over 7000 questions answered...B.A. Psychology Bates College;graduate study, Fordham Univ. School Social Work; technical editor, "dating for dummies", 2d edition, by dr joy browne; thoughtful consideration of your question, then insightful advice about love,romance and related issues given in an objective, non-judgmental manner...over 20 years of personal experience in both short and long term relationships...longer term consultations are available upon experience: personal involvement in many relationships where issues of love, sex, intimacy, trust, etc., had to be dealt with and resolved...just having "experiences", however, isn`t`s the thoughtful reflection upon and analysis of what happened and why, that leads to learning and tell me what`s on your mind and i`ll try to help, or tell you if i can`t...thanks


Over 20 years personal experience in dating, including both short and long-term relationships.Thoughtful reflection and analysis upon same, as well as providing imput relating to issues of love and romance to friends and acquaintances.

BA, Psychology, Bates College, Lewiston, Me. Graduate study at Fordham University School of Social Work.

Life experience can really be the only teacher in this area; however going through the experience is not enough. What is necessary is a real awareness, sensitivity to, and reflection upon what has happened, what has been lost, what has been gained. Getting beyond one's own insecurities and subjectivities, and seeing the experience in the context of the bigger picture, are essential stepping stones to learning and announces CT matchmaking service..for more, go to

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