Expert: Mark McGregor - 5/3/2004

Question
Recently in the past few months I have been on a few dates with different guys and the same thing keeps happening and I need a little male insight.  When I am out to dinner or on the phone with these guys I am the one asking all of the questions trying to find out information about them.  They never ask me any questions about myself and it has really turned me off.  It makes me feel like they are not interested in getting to know me.  Is it just that men don't know how to have a conversation or that they truly don't care about getting to know me?  Any insight you can give me would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks,
Tracy!

Answer
Greetings Tracy,
Thanks for you question.

Sorry to read about your situation regarding guy communications. Not all men are made the same and this should be good news for you!

The one thing that both guys and girls love to chat about is 'themselves'. We can ramble for hours. Ask the right questions, and we just may never shut up!

1/ Try out the following suggestions on how to work a winning conversation with the opposite sex:
Open ended questions forces the other person to make a reply with more than one word. For an example, if you ask what kind of car do you drive-- the reply will be a one word answer-- perhaps a Ford. However, if you ask why did you buy that kind of car-- the reply will lead into a conversation because the reply has more than one word. They may say that it was the color, the style, and the price.

2/ Mix close ended questions--that have one word replies with open ended questions. This will avoid making you look like an interogator!

3/ Most guys love to chat about their car, sports, music, employment, travel, and for sure theme-- themselves! Use judgement when talking about sex. It is wise to avoid chatting about ex's, money (during initial conversations), and matters that require a sudden committment! Let your chat partner become aware of the areas that interest you as they share their areas of interest. This will add fuel so they will know what kinds of questions to ask you.

4/ Make sure compliments are sprinkled in during the conversation. Guys love to be recognized for their successes no matter how small or distant they are. This will make them excited and will intice them to ask questions too.

5/ Once you capture a topic that thrills the listener and makes them really excited-- ride it. Think of combinations and relevant questions related to their main topic. Lead their enthusiasim into how you can relate to what thrills them. This will spark questions from them to you.

6/ When you ask an open ended question, become silent until the other person replies. They may be formulating a reply or visualizing their response to you before saying it. Nothing wrong with that-- just dong become impatient and jump in by answering your own question for them.

7/ Some people will chat more also if they have a chat partner who is an active listener. This means going, "uh huh" and "that's fantastic" occasionally when you hear a reply that you can apply acknowledgment to. Sometimes people paraphrase-- meaning you add part of their reply as a bridge to get them to continue with their conversation. An example would be, "...and I travelled to Europe last summer too." Then you say, "You travlled to Europe, wow! I have never been there. Tell me all about it!"

Many people apply these 7 suggestions to generate great conversations. Try out the ones you feel comfortable with.


PS: Be sure to review a copy of a new book I co-authored with a short story on Internet dating. The book is called, "Confessions of Shameless Dating" and is available on my Web site shopping cart at www.speaKingofHearts.com/catalogue It has several stories for multiple authors on successful dating ideas. I will even autograph your ordered copy!

Good luck and happy dating Tracy!