General Writing and Grammar Help/Article grammar

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Question
Hey Ted,
I applied for internship in Brazil's Supreme Federal Court. On my first interview, I tranalated a daily news article in their website and they liked it. So everyday I am going to translate an article from their website to train untill the next week's second interview.
Basically, I would like for you to read my translations and tell me if any sentence doesn't "sound right" or "flow" in american englsih since there are many legal vocab. words and phrases which cannot just be translated literally.

(Something to pay attention to is the comma structures in portuguese. I believe in english they might not be structured the same way).
Article:

Teori Zavascki is sworn in as minister of the STF [Supreme Federal Court]

In a solemnity taken place in the Plenary of the Supreme Federal Court (STF), the minister Teori Albino Zavascki assumed position, this thursday (29), as new member of the Court, on the vacancy left by minister Cezar Peluso, retired last September, when completing 70 years of age.

  The solemnity was opened by the president of the Court, minister Joaquim Barbosa, and the National Anthem was played by the Marine’s Band of Brasília. Then, the Supreme Court’s dean, minister Celso de Mello, and the newest member of the Court until then, minister Rosa Weber, conducted Zavascki to the Plenary, where he signed the term of possession  and was declared to be sworn in by minister Joaquim Barbosa.

  Initiated at 16h11m, the solemnity was closed at 16h23m by the Court’s president. Then, the new minister received complements in the White Room of the STF, which is located next to the Plenary. Federal Senate’s president José Sarney, Chamber of Deputy’s president Marco Maia, and the minister of Justice, Eduardo Cardozo, among other authorities, participated in the ceremony.

The new minister of the Supreme Court integrated the Superior Court of Justice (STJ) since may of 2003, participating in the Special Court, of the Council of Administration and of the Documents Commission. He was elected effective member of the Council of Federal Justice (CJF) on june of 2011 and also participated on the National School of Formation and Improvement of Magistrates.

Original: http://www2.stf.jus.br/portalStfInternacional/cms/destaquesClipping.php?sigla=po



Thanks

Answer
Dear Nathan:

Question:
Hey Ted,
I applied for [AN] internship in Brazil's Supreme Federal Court. On my first
interview, I tranalated TRANSLATED] a daily news article in their website and they liked it.
So everyday I am going to translate an article from their website to train
untill [UNTIL] the next week's second interview.
Basically, I would like for you to read my translations and tell me if any
sentence doesn't "sound right" or "flow" in american englsih [American English] since there are
many legal vocab. words and phrases which cannot just be translated literally.

(Something to pay attention to is the comma structures in portuguese. I believe
in english they might not be structured the same way).
Article:

Teori Zavascki is sworn in as minister of the STF [Supreme Federal Court]

In a solemnity [WE USE THE WORD "CEREMONY"] taken place in the Plenary of the Supreme Federal Court (STF),
the minister Teori Albino Zavascki assumed [THE] position, this thursday (29), as [THE] new
member of the Court, on the vacancy left by minister Cezar Peluso, [WHO] retired last
September, when completing 70 years of age.

NOTE:  In English we capitalize the days of the week, so you should write "Thursday."

  The solemnity was opened by the president of the Court, minister Joaquim
Barbosa, and the National Anthem was played by the Marine’s [MARINE] Band of Brasília.
Then, the Supreme Court’s dean, minister Celso de Mello, and the newest member
of the Court until then, minister Rosa Weber, conducted Zavascki to the Plenary,
where he signed the term of possession  and was declared to be sworn in by
minister Joaquim Barbosa.

  Initiated at 16h11m, the solemnity was closed at 16h23m by the Court’s
president. Then, the new minister received complements in the White Room of the
STF, which is located next to the Plenary. Federal Senate’s president José
Sarney, Chamber of Deputy’s president Marco Maia, and the minister of Justice,
Eduardo Cardozo, among other authorities, participated in the ceremony.

The new minister of the Supreme Court integrated the Superior Court of Justice
(STJ) since may of 2003, participating in the Special Court, of the Council of
Administration and of the Documents Commission. He was elected [AN] effective member
of the Council of Federal Justice (CJF) on june of 2011 and also participated on
the National School of Formation and Improvement of Magistrates.

*** Nathan, I think that your translation "reads" well.  The phrasing is a little different from a "U. S. version," but I understood everything you wrote.  [For some reason, your apostrophes are not showing up in my cut-and-paste version, but they are correct in your original version.]

*** We would use the word "joined," instead of "integrated."  I tried your version using Google Translate, and I got the same translation as you did, including the word "integrated."

I think you have done very well.  I hope you get the position.  

I'll congratulate you, when you received your official appointment.

Ted

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Ted Nesbitt

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I am the bibliographic instruction and reference librarian at a public college. Some members of the English department recommend me to their students. I offer assistance in grammar, punctuation, sentence structure, and paragraph development. My master`s thesis concerns William Faulkner`s tragic novels. I formerly taught advanced placement English at two schools in the Philadelphia area.

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I have been one of the highest-ranked volunteers in this category for more than a decade.

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B. A. and M. A in English; MSIS in Library & Information Sciences; graduate study in philosophy

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