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General Writing and Grammar Help/Please provide the necessary correction with explanation (if possible)

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QUESTION: Dear Mr Johnson

Please correct the grammar/prose on this piece of writing I want to submit. Please correct the grammar/prose and if possible provide an explanation for my understanding


Dear Mr Prime Minister
Let me begin by saying I do not wish to sound sinister.
But events in the recent past has made me bitter.
I lived in my homeland for 25 years and have a million times myself jittered
Every time I boarded the bus, walked alone, stood in the crowd
A stare, a remark, a touch here and a push there
The women in me cowed
Ashamed yet loud I say
Solace! Far! I feel Safe
Alas! compelled by the love to see my motherland I wish to come
Yet even the thought is fearsome
I do not wish to see the same fear in the eyes of my dear
Every time I convince them to visit my homeland
Dear Mr Minister ! Please do something!!
Cause soon I  would also need to tell my Indian American kids everything!!!
So Dear Mr Minister! Please do something!!!!


Thank you

ANSWER: Hello Shilpa - and thanks for your question.

It's rather difficult to answer your question here - because it isn't altogether clear if this supposed to be PROSE or POETRY.

If it is prose, your statements should be punctuated and made into coherent sentences.

You do this here in the first two lines, but after that there is no punctuation until the exclamation marks.

But if it is supposed to be poetry, there is an even bigger problem.

That's because in 'modern' poetry (what's called 'free verse') anything is permitted.

You have certainly laid out the statements on the page as if it were poetry.

Instead of my guessing, what I suggest you do is decide if it is prose or poetry - then re-submit it.

I hope this isn't a disappointing response to your query.

Best wishes

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Dear Dr Johnson

Thank you for the prompt response.Though this is primarily just a flow of thoughts with no specific emphasis on either. However, would you could counsider it as poetry.

Also if you could suggest me some online sites where I can practise grammar as I am not too sure at times

Thank you

Answer
Hello again Shilpa - and thanks for the follow up.

If we consider this piece of writing as poetry, then it still needs to follow grammatical rules.

Here is a version with some corrections.


Dear Mr Prime Minister
Let me begin by saying I do not wish to sound sinister.
But events in the recent past HAVE made me bitter.
I lived in my homeland for 25 years and have a million times myself jittered.
Every time I boarded the bus, walked alone, OR stood in the crowd
A stare, a remark, a touch here and a push there -
The women in me cowed
Ashamed yet loud I say
Solace! Far! I feel Safe.
Alas! compelled by love to see my motherland I wish to come.
Yet even the thought is fearsome
I do not wish to see the same fear in the eyes of my dear ONES
Every time I convince them to visit my homeland
Dear Mr Minister - please do something.
BECAUSE soon I  would also need to tell my Indian American kids everything.
So Dear Mr Minister - please do something.

Don't over-use exclamation marks.

If you wish to improve your grammar, have a look at this program, which covers all aspects of English language and grammar:

http://www.mantex.co.uk/shop/english-language-3.0/

The program also has self-assessment questions (with answers)

You can also check your understanding of individual topics here:

http://www.mantex.co.uk/downloads/english-language-downloads/

I hope that helps.

Best wishes

General Writing and Grammar Help

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I can answer questions on English language, grammar, writing skills, and study skills. I am particularly experienced in the writing skills required for academic essays, term papers, reports, dissertations, and post-graduate theses.

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I have forty years experience as a tutor and as the author of books on writing and study skills. For thirty years I was a tutor for the Workers' Educational Association, which specialises in courses for adult students and preparing mature students for university. I was also a tutor for the Open University between 1975 and 2010. During that time I have also written a number of books on writing and study skills. In the last ten years or more I have specialised in creating computer-aided learning materials and online learning courses.

Publications
"Making the Grade" (Manchester University Press) 1990 "Studying Fiction" (Manchester University Press) 1991 "Marking Essays" (Clifton Press) 1993 "Revision and Examinations" (Clifton Press) 1993 "Writing Essays" (Clifton Ress) 1996 "Study Skills" (Clifton Press) 1996 "Electronic Writing" (Clifton Press) 1996 "Improve your Writing Skills" (Clifton Press) 2010 "Writing Essays 3.0" (Clifton Press) 2008 [computer program] "English Language 3.0" (Clifton Press) 2008 [computer program] "Study Skills 2.0" (Clifton Press) 2008 [computer program]

Education/Credentials
My first degree was in mechanical engineering (HNC). I then switched to literary studies and philosophy. My second degree was a BA in English and American Literature (from Manchester University - UK). I also have an MA in Comparative Literary Studies, and my doctoral thesis (PhD) was in the relationship between literature and politics.

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Amber TV Anglia Polytechnic University Bath Spa University College The Beattie Partnership Blackpool & the Fylde College Bolton, Salford, & Trafford NHS Cedar Health Central Manchester Health Trust City College Manchester Coventry University David Rigby Associates East Lancs NHS Food Standards Agency Graduate Research Institute Granada Studios Higher Education Funding Council Hyde Clarendon College Kellogg’s UK Kingsmill Health Trust Knowsley Metropolitan Borough Liverpool University Manchester Airport Manchester City Council Manchester Metropolitan University MANCAT Manchester PCT (NHS) Manchester TEC North East Lancs PCT NorthWest Learning Grid Oldham Business School Open University Parrs Wood College Runshaw College Salford Mental Health Trust Save the Children Fund South Manchester Health Trust St John Rigby College St Mary’s Catholic High School SwimTime University of Bolton University of Central Lancs University College Chester University of Huddersfield University of Hull University of Manchester University of Salford West London Health Trust Winstanley College Manchester NHS Xaverian College

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