General Writing and Grammar Help/Personal headline

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Question
Hi Jannie,

I'm working on a scholarship application, and for one part, it asks for a personal headline of less than 160 characters.

Here are some biographical blurbs that I came up with so far:

-Service-oriented medicine
-Believe in relationships & the connection between people
-Passionate about learning about the human experience; understanding and facilitating what brings us together on a fundamental, everyday level

I'm worried it sounds too cliche and impractical. How can I come up with something that is concise, original, and that will capture the readers' attention?

Thanks!

Lynn

Answer
Sorry it took so lone, I never received notification.

Shorter is better and a headline that definitely summarizes the content.

None of these sound "personal" and personally, I don't understand the "blurbs" corresponding to a scholarship application, but..........

Service Oriented Medicine
Relationships and the Connection Between People (Relationships and the Connection)
Fundamental Connections and the Human Experience  

General Writing and Grammar Help

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Jannie Balliett

Expertise

Any question relating to writing and grammar. I will repeat, questions only-- not discussions or editing. If you need editing, visit my editorial site; http://a1editorial.net. I do not help with homework nor English classes. This is much too involved and I will not "explain" English to non-English speakers. Please rate. If you do not rate, I will need to ban you from my expertise.

Experience

I m a professional editor and published writer.

Organizations
Writers of America, Professional Editors Association, Brazos Writers Group, Sisters of Crime

Publications
Many magazines

Education/Credentials
Associate Degree in Business, majoring in education currently for BA 25 years as a writer and professional editor

Past/Present Clients
Shervin Hojat- "Tend Your Garden Within" and am mentioned in acknowledgements.

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