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General Writing and Grammar Help/Please help me with Why Chicago

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Question
Dear Ted,
Please help me with this essay.
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How does the University of Chicago, as you know it now, satisfy your desire for a particular kind of learning, community, and future? Please address with some specificity your own wishes and how they relate to UChicago.
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¬“Does anyone have other opinions?” The emcee asked after reading a long report. She paused and looked around as if she was waiting a hand.
I raised my hand up, intended to voice my opinion.
“Put your hand down,” – Suddenly, a boy from the Red-Stars, a group of students who keep an eye out for misbehavior seemed irritated, whispering and signaling me to put my hand down.
Stubbornly, I raised my hand higher as if I was announcing a war. A cold war ensued between those on the stage and me sitting at the other end of the hall. A tense silence ran through me and perhaps through them as well.
“There is no other opinion. So 100% agree. The resolution passed.” – The emcee broke the silence and continued to move on to other parts of her script.
I was struck by the reality of the annual Congress of Youth Union, the so called pioneering group of the Vietnamese youth. I untied my red scarf, threw it on the floor and silently walked out of the hall.
Right after the Congress, I ran into the girl, who was the emcee, at the cafeteria. “Did you see my hand?” I couldn’t refrain myself from asking.
“Yes…” She answered in a barely audible voice
“Why didn’t you call me?” I tried to ask in a lighthearted way, hiding my frustration.
She innocently said “Because in the script, it didn’t say that Comrade Thy Nguyen would have an opinion so I couldn’t call you”.
The answer baffled me. I didn’t know what to say. It was true that she was not supposed to do otherwise. I felt a rage in me. I couldn’t criticize her as a coward or a parrot since I, too, had to commit the crime of dishonest every day. In History class, I had to write what the textbooks said to achieve good grades. In Literature class, I had to give flowery compliments to all literatures about communistic enlightenment, even though I didn’t see any beauty in them.
In Vietnam, I felt I was taught in an undemocratic way. But if I raised my opinion, there was always someone, just like Squealer in Animal Farm by Geogre Orwell, pointing elections in congresses and discussions in classes out for me. It is true that teachers always asked us questions, but they didn’t forget to dictate the ultimate truth in the end of class. There was always predetermined script for us to follow. There was always an ultimate truth for everything.
As University of Chicago emphasizes a culture of fearless inquiry, I know at Uchicago I will not receive truths, but rather I, accompanied by my peers and professors, will go on the road of looking for truths together. I don’t know what a democracy should be like, but I yearn for a democratic life where I can raise my hand up and say “I  disagree. ” without any fears.  
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Thank you so much.

Thy

Answer
Dear Thy:

How does the University of Chicago, as you know it now, satisfy your desire for
a particular kind of learning, community, and future? Please address with some
specificity your own wishes and how they relate to UChicago.
---------------------------------------------

¬“Does anyone have other opinions?”

"Does anyone have other opinions?"
The emcee asked after reading a long report.

After reading a long report, the emcee asked "Does anyone have other opinions?"

{I changed the words around, because the emcee's question must go with quotation marks, and the sentence would end with this:  "Does anyone have other opinions?," the emcee asked after . . . . "}  Using the question mark and the comma together is not proper.

She paused and looked around as if she was waiting a hand.
I raised my hand up, intended [INTENDING] to voice my opinion.

“Put your hand down,” [End this imperative sentence with a period, inside the closing quotation mark.  You should NOT use hyphens [-]. – Suddenly, a boy from the Red-Stars, a group of students
who keep an eye out for misbehavior seemed irritated, whispering and signaling
me to put my hand down.
Stubbornly, I raised my hand higher as if I was announcing a war. A cold war
ensued between those on the stage and me sitting at the other end of the hall. A
tense silence ran through me and perhaps through them as well.
“There is no other opinion. So 100% agree. The resolution passed.” – The emcee
broke the silence and continued to move on to other parts of her script.
I was struck by the reality of the annual Congress of Youth Union, the so called [SO-CALLED]
pioneering group of the Vietnamese youth. I untied my red scarf, threw it on the
floor and silently walked out of the hall.
Right after the Congress, I ran into the girl, who was the emcee, at the
cafeteria. “Did you see my hand?” I couldn’t refrain myself from asking.
“Yes…” She answered in a barely audible voice
“Why didn’t you call me?” I tried to ask in a lighthearted way, hiding my
frustration.
She innocently said “Because in the script, it didn’t say that Comrade Thy
Nguyen would have an opinion so I couldn’t call you”.
The answer baffled me. I didn’t know what to say. It was true that she was not
supposed to do otherwise. I felt a rage in me. I couldn’t criticize her as a
coward or a parrot since I, too, had to commit the crime of dishonest every day.
In History class, I had to write what the textbooks said to achieve good grades.
In Literature class, I had to give flowery compliments to all literatures about
communistic enlightenment, even though I didn’t see any beauty in them.
In Vietnam, I felt I was taught in an undemocratic way. But if I raised my
opinion, there was always someone, just like Squealer in Animal Farm [Although you cannot do this in an Allexperts box, remember that titles of books must be in italics or underlines.] by Geogre [GEORGE]
Orwell, pointing elections in congresses and discussions in classes out for me.
It is true that teachers always asked us questions, but they didn’t forget to
dictate the ultimate truth in the end of class. There was always predetermined
script for us to follow. There was always an ultimate truth for everything.
As University of Chicago emphasizes a culture of fearless inquiry, I know at
Uchicago [NO -- Do not use this "abbreviation.  You can simply say "Chicago" or you can spell out the name of the university.] I will not receive truths, but rather I, accompanied by my peers and
professors, will go on the road of looking for truths together. I don’t know
what a democracy should be like, but I yearn for a democratic life where I can raise my hand up and say “I  disagree. ” without [Without should be capitalized.] any fears. [Just use FEAR.  "Fear" is a non-count noun.  It can refer to ONE fear or hundreds of fears.]

*** Thy, I believe that the admission people will be impressed with your essay, just as I am.  The University of Chicago has a reputation for being very liberal, which means that free speech is encouraged.

Your work is very good.

Ted  
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Ted Nesbitt

Expertise

I am the bibliographic instruction and reference librarian at a public college. Some members of the English department recommend me to their students. I offer assistance in grammar, punctuation, sentence structure, and paragraph development. My master`s thesis concerns William Faulkner`s tragic novels. I formerly taught advanced placement English at two schools in the Philadelphia area.

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I have been one of the highest-ranked volunteers in this category for more than a decade.

Education/Credentials
B. A. and M. A in English; MSIS in Library & Information Sciences; graduate study in philosophy

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