General Writing and Grammar Help/Thi's writing

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Question
Dear Ted,
This paragraph is about disadvantages of home-schooling:
However, there are some serious concerns about home-schooling method. People are afraid that most parents do not have the time to educate their children at home. Thus, one parent would need to give up work, that does not guarantee the family򳠬iving. They also argue that school subjects are normally taught by up to ten different teachers and most parents do not have the necessary knowledge or resources to teach their children by themselves or private tutors are quite expensive. Children may find that they miss out on the social experience that school offers, for example, how to properly interact within a group, how to make friends. Lacking of social development of home-schooled is among the most commonly concerns. School life is filled with plenty of exciting opportunities for children, from field trips to the prom. The parents could certainly provide cultural and other opportunities while homeschooling their children, but these are not the same as the children would experience in a group of peers.
Thank Ted very much! :D

Answer
Dear Thi:

Was there something wrong with my answer to your home-schooling question?  You usually check the box for "volunteer to the month," and, for this question you did not.  If I didn't provide a good answer, please let me know, so that I can try harder.

Thank you.

Ted

  
This paragraph is about disadvantages of home-schooling:
However, there are some serious concerns about [THE] home-schooling method. People are afraid that most parents do not have the time to educate their children at home. Thus, one parent would need to give up work, [AND] that does not guarantee the family򳠬iving. They also argue that school subjects are normally taught by up to ten different teachers and most parents do not have the necessary knowledge or resources to teach their children by themselves or private tutors are quite expensive. Children may find that they miss out on the social experience that school offers, for example, how to properly interact within a group, [AND] how to make friends. Lacking of social development of home-schooled [CHILDREN] is among the most commonly concerns. School life is filled with plenty of exciting opportunities for children, from field trips to the prom. The parents could certainly provide cultural and other opportunities while homeschooling their children, but these are not the same as the children would experience in a group of peers.

As you can see, I found very little to suggest for this paragraph.  You writing, as usual, is very good.  Your examples thoroughly support your thesis sentence.

I would like to make one suggestion, and it is NOT imperative or necessary that you take or follow it:  Your final sentence is about ONE of the disadvantages.  An outstanding paragraph will have a final sentence that refers back to the thesis sentence, summarizing what the body of the paragraph contains.  Instead of ending on a "cultural and other opportunities note," the concluding sentence should refer to the disadvantages of home-schooling in general.  Think of the final sentence as another way to express the opening sentence -- AND, do NOT use the same words as the opening sentence!

Ted  

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Ted Nesbitt

Expertise

I am the bibliographic instruction and reference librarian at a public college. Some members of the English department recommend me to their students. I offer assistance in grammar, punctuation, sentence structure, and paragraph development. My master`s thesis concerns William Faulkner`s tragic novels. I formerly taught advanced placement English at two schools in the Philadelphia area.

Experience

I have been one of the highest-ranked volunteers in this category for more than a decade.

Education/Credentials
B. A. and M. A in English; MSIS in Library & Information Sciences; graduate study in philosophy

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