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General Writing and Grammar Help/help needed with sentence.

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QUESTION: Hello. i need help with grammer wording. Please note iam not asking for any iphone advise, just asking for wording help sentences.

i bought iphone 4s 32gb on contract back in october 2011. i have now upgraded to the newer iphone 5s from next week. i am now selling the iphone. i wanted to ask you a few questions about my iphone advert on ebay.

basically i want reassure the buyer that iphone is not stolen or it wont get blocked. i have the original selling invoice from Verizon which i could show to a buyer when viewing the iphone.

how can re-word the above in the advert? any thoughts please?

thanks,

ANSWER: HI - and thanks for the question

The best way to create good adverts is this:

Have a look at other adverts for iPhones on eBay

then use the one which seems to you most professional and persuasive as a model

When you've done that, and tailored the advert to your own phone and circumstances

post it as a new question here

and I will edit the ad for you

hope that helps

best wishes

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Hello - many thanks for the reply. Below is the advert which I have copied from eBay. Please see belw and edit it for me. Thank you.

I'm looking to sell my iPhone 4S 16GB Black Unlocked. This iPhone has been used. The iPhone has no scratches or blemishes on the screen. iPhone is fully operational and functions as intended. It works well. I've had the iPhone since October 2011. I've removed all content and settings. I am including all accessories and still in original packaging.

You will get: iPhone 4S 16GB Black Unlocked, USB Data Cable, USB Wall Charger, Documentation, Original iPhone 4 Bumper in Black, Leather Case in White, Hard Case in Black and White and Hard Case in Brown. Please see attached photos.

No swaps or trades! Pick up only. iPhone is located in New York City. You can contact me to arrange viewing and to pay for the iPhone in cash. Kindly note: The iPhone is available ONLY to people in the UK. International calls, emails and text messages will be ignored. Blocked, unknown, private or withheld numbers are not answered.

Is this any good? How would present this advert on eBay?

Please advise.
Thank you

ANSWER: Here's my version with a few small changes:

If the phone is in NYC - why is it only available to people in UK !? Surely you mean USA?


I'm looking to sell my iPhone 4S 16GB Black Unlocked. This iPhone has no scratches or blemishes on the screen. It is fully operational and functions as intended. I've had the iPhone since October 2011. I've removed all content and settings. I am including all accessories and it's still in its original packaging.

You will get: iPhone 4S 16GB Black Unlocked, USB Data Cable, USB Wall Charger, Documentation, Original iPhone 4 Bumper in Black, Leather Case in White, Hard Case in Black and White, and Hard Case in Brown. Please see attached photos.

No swaps or trades! Pick up only. iPhone is located in New York City. You can contact me to arrange viewing and to pay for the iPhone in cash. Kindly note: The iPhone is available ONLY to people in the UK. International calls, emails and text messages will be ignored. Blocked, unknown, private or withheld numbers will not be answered.

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Hello again. Many thanks for the reply. Thanks again.

I just wanted let you know that I've found the original selling recipt/invoice showing the date of sale, time and the IMEI of the iPhone. The iphone was on a two year contract. contracted ended on 03 september. the network unlocked the iphone for me a good will gesture for being a long term customer.

How can word this in my advert that i have the receipt that goes with the iphone. This can assure the customer that receipt goes with the iphone.

how can i re-word this? please help.

thank you.

Answer
1. List the original receipt or invoice amongst the items the buyer will receive.

2. Add this sentence to your advert: it shows that you are legitimate.

The iphone was on a two year contract. contracted ended on 03 september. the network unlocked the iphone for me a good will gesture for being a long term customer.

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Roy Johnson

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I can answer questions on English language, grammar, writing skills, and study skills. I am particularly experienced in the writing skills required for academic essays, term papers, reports, dissertations, and post-graduate theses.

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I have forty years experience as a tutor and as the author of books on writing and study skills. For thirty years I was a tutor for the Workers' Educational Association, which specialises in courses for adult students and preparing mature students for university. I was also a tutor for the Open University between 1975 and 2010. During that time I have also written a number of books on writing and study skills. In the last ten years or more I have specialised in creating computer-aided learning materials and online learning courses.

Publications
"Making the Grade" (Manchester University Press) 1990 "Studying Fiction" (Manchester University Press) 1991 "Marking Essays" (Clifton Press) 1993 "Revision and Examinations" (Clifton Press) 1993 "Writing Essays" (Clifton Ress) 1996 "Study Skills" (Clifton Press) 1996 "Electronic Writing" (Clifton Press) 1996 "Improve your Writing Skills" (Clifton Press) 2010 "Writing Essays 3.0" (Clifton Press) 2008 [computer program] "English Language 3.0" (Clifton Press) 2008 [computer program] "Study Skills 2.0" (Clifton Press) 2008 [computer program]

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My first degree was in mechanical engineering (HNC). I then switched to literary studies and philosophy. My second degree was a BA in English and American Literature (from Manchester University - UK). I also have an MA in Comparative Literary Studies, and my doctoral thesis (PhD) was in the relationship between literature and politics.

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Amber TV Anglia Polytechnic University Bath Spa University College The Beattie Partnership Blackpool & the Fylde College Bolton, Salford, & Trafford NHS Cedar Health Central Manchester Health Trust City College Manchester Coventry University David Rigby Associates East Lancs NHS Food Standards Agency Graduate Research Institute Granada Studios Higher Education Funding Council Hyde Clarendon College Kellogg’s UK Kingsmill Health Trust Knowsley Metropolitan Borough Liverpool University Manchester Airport Manchester City Council Manchester Metropolitan University MANCAT Manchester PCT (NHS) Manchester TEC North East Lancs PCT NorthWest Learning Grid Oldham Business School Open University Parrs Wood College Runshaw College Salford Mental Health Trust Save the Children Fund South Manchester Health Trust St John Rigby College St Mary’s Catholic High School SwimTime University of Bolton University of Central Lancs University College Chester University of Huddersfield University of Hull University of Manchester University of Salford West London Health Trust Winstanley College Manchester NHS Xaverian College

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