General Writing and Grammar Help/sentence structure

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Question
Is the following sentence structured properly?  Something seems off.

I bravely stepped over the piles of hair and out of the tub and then walked over to the mirror.

Is this better?
I bravely stepped over the piles of hair, jumped out of the tub, and then walked over to the mirror.
Thanks

Answer
Hi Patty,

I do not think it's a matter of grammar but playing around with the sentence so the context makes sense.  The "piles of hair" doesn't make sense to me because I just cannot visualize what that would look like.

However....
I bravely stepped over the piles of hair while exiting the tub and then walked to the mirror.

Does this convey what you mean?

Dr. D

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Deborah Burgess

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Essays--I can assist students with questions concerning the process of writing an essay including preparation of an outline, development of a topic, development of the thesis statement and topic sentences, and paragraph development. I can assist students in helping them determine the proper rhetorical modes for their essay (narration, illustration, description, process analysis, comparison and contrast, and argumentation. I am able to answer questions concerning rules of style for a research paper including referencing sources. I am able to address questions regarding punctuation and grammar.

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I teach a writing workshop for the University of Phoenix (Richmond Campus) and two college courses: Essentials of College Writing and Elements of Composition.

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Doctor of Management--University of Phoenix Masters in Human Resources--George Washington University B.A.--French and Linguistics, Oakland University

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