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QUESTION: Dear Ted,

Please help me to correct my essay for the following topic:

Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology.
In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make?
Has this become a positive or negative development?

Answer:
It is apparent that we have changed the way we interact with other people thanks to advancement in technology like wifi and smart phones. It enables us to create more partners than ever before, but also it lower the quality of our relationships. However, I believe it benefits are overweight its drawbacks.

As smart phones and wifi are exclusively popular, it is more convenient to build a relationship these days. Using facebook, we can have a great deal of information of whom we intend to make friends. If he or she feels cool to us, we just need to click “Add friend”. A few minutes later, we might be accepted to become his or her friend. However, some people might try to make them look prettier and smarter than they really are in the real world. As a result, this kind of relationship lacks of sincerity and comprehension.

Development in interactions does bring us some benefits. One is that we can form a wide networking with other people globally with seeming ease. Networking is an essential part in business world since it is where business people sell their products, ideas, or launch their marketing campaigns. On the other hand, we can come up with some approaches to seize the drawbacks of online friendship. For example, we should make an offline appointment to see if we want to go further. A strong relationship need to be cultivated both online and in reality.

The new technologies are continuously developed by scientists over the world. In the future, we would witness more and more approaches to connect even with people from remote areas of this planet.

Thank you very much!
Sincerely,
Lizzie

ANSWER: Dear Lizzie:

  Dear Ted,

Please help me to correct my essay for the following topic:

Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology.
In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make?
Has this become a positive or negative development?

Answer:
It is apparent that we have changed the way we interact with other people thanks to advancement in technology like wifi and smart phones. It enables us to create more partners than ever before, but also it lower the quality of our relationships. However, I believe it benefits are overweight its drawbacks.

**** The pronoun "it" is very "indefinite."  If you want your writing to be stronger, do not use vague words like "it" and "this" as subjects of your sentences.  You have begun
your first two sentences with the weak "it," and, unfortunately for you, that weakness sends a kind of message to your reader(s).

*** Try experimenting to find strong nouns to use as subjects.  For instance, "Due to advancements in technology, like wifi and smart phones, WE have changed the way we interact with other people.

*** In the third sentence you wrote "it benefits," and it should be "its benefits."  Also the word you want to use is "outweigh" instead of "overweight."  "Overweight" means fat or obese.

As smart phones and wifi are exclusively popular, it is more convenient to build a relationship these days. [THIS SENTENCE ALSO USES "IT" AS THE SUBJECT.] Using facebook[Facebook], we can have a great deal of information of [ABOUT -- NOT "OF"] whom we intend to make friends. If he or she feels cool to us, we just need to click “Add friend”. A few minutes later, we might be accepted to become his or her friend. However, some people might try to make them look prettier and smarter than they really are in the real world. As a result, this kind of relationship lacks of sincerity and comprehension.

Development in interactions does bring us some benefits. One is that we can form a wide networking with other people globally with seeming ease. Networking is an essential part in [THE] business world since it [ANOTHER "IT" AS THE SUBJECT.] is where business people sell their products, ideas, or launch their marketing campaigns. On the other hand, we can come up with some approaches to seize the drawbacks of online friendship*** SEE BELOW. For example, we should make an offline appointment to see if we want to go further. A strong relationship need [NEEDS] to be cultivated both online and in reality.

The new technologies are continuously developed by scientists over the world. In the future, we would [COULD - NOT "WOULD"] witness more and more approaches to connect even with people from remote areas of this planet.

*** Lizzie, your writing is good, except for all those "its" as subjects.   You only weaken and make less effective your writing style when you use poor subjects.

Take this example:  Lizzie, IT is good.  You would understand that my "it" refers to your writing, but would anyone else?  "Your WRITING is good" is a strong statement.

I marked one sentence with ***SEE BELOW.  I "think" I understand what you mean by the sentence, but your words are very peculiar.  "Approaches to seize the drawbacks" is extremely awkward.  You need to make a revision of this sentence.

I do not think that you have contacted me before.  Have you?  I do hear regularly, almost daily, from two of your countrymen.  I wonder if either of them recommended me to you.  One of the Vietnamese students is from your town!  We live in a small world.  You can use this example in another essay:  Two Vietnamese students are getting help in English from a volunteer in the state of Ohio in the United States.  Technology connects people that are thousands of miles apart.

Ted Nesbitt

Thank you very much!

*** You are welcome.  You can show your appreciation by rating me highly when you receive the evaluation form that comes with my answer.  Please, stay in touch.  I think you are a good writer, and I would like you to become a better writer.



---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Dear Ted,

Thank you very much for your time and your detailed feedback. Your answer really helps.

My friend, Anh Thi, has recommended you to me. She contacted you for correcting her essay before. She told me that you are enthusiastic, knowledgeable and you reply quickly. I am delighted to have an instructor like you. I love writing in English very much and strive to be a persuasive writer. I hope to get more feedback from you in the future.

Thanks again and best regards!
Lizzie

ANSWER: Dear Lizzie:

Thank you very much for your time and your detailed feedback. Your answer really helps.

*** I do my best to treat each question with great care.  If I teach well, you will learn well!  

My friend, Anh Thi, has recommended you to me. She contacted you for correcting her essay before. She told me that you are enthusiastic, knowledgeable and you reply quickly. I am delighted to have an instructor like you. I love writing in English very much and strive to be a persuasive writer. I hope to get more feedback from you in the future.

YES.  Anh Thi is a very good student.  It is good that the two of you are friends; you can help each other.  Please tell her that I send my best to her.  Incidentally, I e-mail some "extra" material to Anh Thi.  Perhaps she will share it with you.

Please go to this site -- http://www.dailygrammar.com -- and look at all the exercises in the "Archives" section.  

Daily Grammar consists of 440 lessons and 88 quizzes.  Lessons 1-90 cover the eight parts of speech, which are verbs, nouns, pronouns, adjectives, adverbs, prepositions, conjunctions, and interjections.  Lessons 91-300 cover the parts of the sentence, such as appositives, predicate nominatives, direct objects, prepositional phrases, clauses, and verbals.  Lessons 301-440 cover the mechanics of grammar, which is also known as capitalization and punctuation.  Links to all of these grammar lessons and quizzes can be found on our archive page.  We also have a helpful glossary, making it easy to find the definitions to a number of grammar terms.

*** Each lesson is followed by a short quiz, so that you can test yourself.  It's actually a FUN site.  I strongly recommend it.

Thanks again and best regards!

You're welcome . . . and now you have another answer to evaluate!

Ted

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Dear Ted,

Thanks for the great website.
Although I can do grammar exercises well, I feel hard to use my comprehension of grammar to write an essay that is clear, cohesive, and to the point. Could you give me some advice?

Thanks!
Lizzie

Answer
OWL
OWL  
Dear Lizzie:


PROJECT FOR YOU:  Please send me a question to Allexperts with the subject line "Learning Express" and the message "Please send me the link."

I will send you a link that you POSSIBLY may be able to access.

Thank you.

Ted

*****************************************************************************

UPDATE:  Since I am spending a great deal of time with your questions, Lizzie, I hope that you would remember to nominate me as "volunteer of the month."  It is important.

Thank you.

Ted

*************************

First, please do not keep adding on to this question.  Start a new message each time.  This message is much too long.

Second, in the next week, I will gather an assortment of websites that offer advice about how to write essays of various kinds.  In the meantime, please send me your e-mail address to my personal e-mail account -- tedjnesbitt@netscape.net

I can then send you all the websites I have found.  They will have brief descriptions of what is contained at each sit, and I will hyperlink the web addresses, so that you can just click on the site you are interested in, and you will be transferred immediately to that site.  I am unable to do this through Allexperts.  The material will come to you as an attachment to my message.

I am attaching a screen image from the best site I know:  the Online Writing Laboratory {OWL} at Purdue University.

The home page is here:  https://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/685/01/

You can find other useful information at https://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl

Explore this site.  On the left side of the screen will be the names of different kinds of essay.  Choose one or more of them and study the "step-by-step" explanations.

This site will be a good start for you.

In brief, here is the outline for a five-paragraph essay:

Paragraph 1 -- introduction
Paragraphs 2-4 -- the presentation and development of your ideas [these will include factual information, also known as "evidence"]
Paragraph 5 -- conclusion

This is what I have been taught:

In the first paragraph you state what you intend to prove; in the body of the essay [paragraphs 2 through 4], you development of the three points that ARE the proof; and, in the final paragraph, you restate what you have written in paragraphs 2-4 and reflect upon your opening paragraph [#1].

Another way of describing this simple method is this:

Introduction [#1] -- You tell the reader what you are GOING to tell him.
Paragraphs #2-4 -- You do the ACTUAL TELLING.
Conclusion [#5] -- You tell the reader what you TOLD him.

Read the "OWL" material.  Send me your e-mail address.  Try writing a five-paragraph essay and send it to me at Allexperts.com.

Ted

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Ted Nesbitt

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I am the bibliographic instruction and reference librarian at a public college. Some members of the English department recommend me to their students. I offer assistance in grammar, punctuation, sentence structure, and paragraph development. My master`s thesis concerns William Faulkner`s tragic novels. I formerly taught advanced placement English at two schools in the Philadelphia area.

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I have been one of the highest-ranked volunteers in this category for more than a decade.

Education/Credentials
B. A. and M. A in English; MSIS in Library & Information Sciences; graduate study in philosophy

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