General Writing and Grammar Help/Sentence check

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Question
Young enthusiastic BE Computer Science Engineering Graduate with an ability to work in a Software Organization where I could utilize my strong conceptual base, programming skills  and logical thinking in the areas of Software Development and provide innovative solutions to the business problems.


Please tell if I'm wrong in the above sentence. One of my friends told me I'm grammatically wrong. Please help. I need to put this on my resume

Answer
First, that is a "run-on" sentence that means it is too long. That, in itself, is bad grammar and hard for the reader to understand. It's like talking without ever pausing.

You began talking about yourself in the third person: "Young enthusiastic BE computer Science Engineering Grauduate with an ability..........." then you wrote in the first person (all within hte same sentence-one sentence): "...where I could utililize my strong conceptual base,........"

This is beyond incorrect grammar and sentence structure, breaking every rule in grammar and writing.

If your resume is in third person, they stay within the third person at all times, writing about yourself and qualifications and goals as if you're writing about someone else.

Correct grammar:
Young, enthusiastic BE Computer Science Engineering graduate, desires a career within a software organization. Logical thinking, strong conceptual and programming skills, for software development using innovative solutions within business problems.  

General Writing and Grammar Help

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Jannie Balliett

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Any question relating to writing and grammar. I will repeat, questions only-- not discussions or editing. If you need editing, visit my editorial site; http://a1editorial.net. I do not help with homework nor English classes. This is much too involved and I will not "explain" English to non-English speakers. Please rate. If you do not rate, I will need to ban you from my expertise.

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I m a professional editor and published writer.

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Associate Degree in Business, majoring in education currently for BA 25 years as a writer and professional editor

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